Strap the fuck in, I got a story that’ll rock your cock and tickle your dickle
Greentext thread
>Be me
>19 year old degenerate
>Nothing to do in free time
>Decide I’ll go RP
>Find DND inspired roleplay
>I say inspired bc most of it is homebrew
>It's also 18+ with very few rules
>Join
>200 or so active members
>3 mutual friends in this server
>wot
>Message one of these kneebros
>”Yeah anon we play here.”
>Guys I’ve met from my past conquests
>Cool dudes
>But only played with one of them before
>Do my usual bit
>Research and find who is what and what is who
>Search “Race” in the character sheet tab
>Lots of fucking elves
>Like a metric fuck ton
>Most are female elves
>A few “nonbinary” elves are mixed in
>The few male elves are gay or “twinks”
>Only two elves are somewhat based
>Gaiohldeen and Farnear
>Far-Near
>Get it?
>Guy is a fucking comedian
>First guy was a LOTR fan
>Lots of wisdom and lots of honor
>Gaiohldeen hasn’t been active in a month
>Farnear is a sneaky fucker
>Hates the other elves
>Killed a gay elf for being gay
>Farnear is active
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)01:01:54 No.855798839
>>855798818
>Lots of random races you wouldn’t expect
>Humans are surprisingly common
>Dwarves are sorta few and far between
>Hobbits and Tiefling fags make up a good portion of the rogue population
>”My mom fell in love with a demon so I’m a tiefling”
>God I hate people
>Most of the other players are in the basic race category
>Lot of furries, half breeds, and dragonborns
>Cont?
>Now let's get down to the good shit
>Most of the non-basic races that aren’t furries or edgelords are made up of water creatures
>3 Merfolk, 1 Triton, and like 15 people who play as Grung
>Little backstory before we move on
>Merfolk are just regular as shit Mermaids
>All three characters are female
>All three seduce and drown their enemies
>Tritons are basically Atlanteans
>Deep water warrior race
>Blonde hair and blue eyed
>Uses a trident to skewer enemies
>Dude is named Zerb
>Remember this guy too
>Grung are the frog equivalent of Hobbits
>Can’t express how cool these guys are
>Live on an island in the middle of the map’s biggest lake
>Huge lake
>Medium sized island
>Grung players have quests and jobs tapered to their small civilization
>”Grung warriors earn their first leg ring by defeating a Daggertooth Catfish in single combat.”
>Wholesome as fuck
>Merfolk and the Triton live with them
>Protect the Grungs from outside threats
>Roleplay creator spent hours creating a map of the island and lore
>Keeps the Hobbit theme playing when doing non-combat quests
>IE collecting minnows for supper
>Feeding the Grung babies fly soup
>Harvesting fish eggs
>All the good shit you’d expect
>In the off chance that Grungs have to fight humanoids
>They ride dog sized toads into battle
>Rightfully named Battle Toads
>They have tribal aspects but are mostly late iron age
>Was torn on becoming a Grung
>Grung
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)01:02:27 No.855798873
>>855798839
>Friends are as follow
>Dwarf Fighter named Lark
>Kobold Rogue named Odo
>and Warforge Monk/Paladin name Atlas
>The Dwarf Lark was a minor lord’s eighth son
>So he left home to search for gold and riches in the mountains
>In the mountains he stumbled upon a cave
>The cave was owned by the Kobold, Odo
>Who had fucked a bunch of lizard sluts and ran away from his tribe
>After some hairy peace talks they began working together and dug into the cave to look for treasure
>Unknown to them
>They eventually dug into a deeper room within the cave
>Not a big room mind you
>But a room to house the next member of their merry band
>Atlas
>A Warforge who seeks to find his master and become worthy of him
>Asking yourself about the Paladin/Monk shit?
>Atlas was a servant of the “Great Creator”
>Easily the coolest idea for a religion/civilization in DND imo
>So far they had done a bunch of quests
>Farmed monsters
>Gotten some mid tier gear
>And leveled up a bit
>When I told them I was gonna play they went berserk
>”Anon you gotta join us in the Cave of Friendship”
>They named the cave that
>Unironically
>Friends lack a devoted magic user
>Atlas’s Lay on Hands ability is what keeps them afloat
>Decide to make a Druid
>Our party will rely heavily on melee so I might aswell have a class that can fight
>Need to figure out my race
>”Anon you should be an Elf!” ~ Random faggot elf
>Yeah, no
>Go looking through the dnd wikis
>Lock onto my race
>Jackpot
>At first I had been interested in the turtle species but they were the reverse of what you’d expect
>instead I decided to be a Loxodon
>An Elephant guy
>Can’t just pop into the cave
>Have to roleplay my way into the group
>Obviously metagaming but its victimless
>Simple backstory, left my home in search for adventure etc etc
>Have been wandering the world for some time
Cont?
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)01:36:34 No.855800972
>>855800726
Got ya big daddy
>Gathering knowledge and eating plants
>Flopping my trunk around and fucking the elephant sluts
>Stopped counting the years long ago
>Eventually figure age is getting to me while I’m fucking the trunk off a female
>Almost had a heart attack
>”Time to start acting my age”
>Pick up a cloak and a few books
>Can’t really read
>Fuck
>Learn how to read from an elephant bitch
>Fuck her
>She only taught me to read in Loxocan
>Fuck
>Get a hermit elf to teach me how to read
>Thought about fucking
>Elves don’t have big enough ears
>I like my sluts with big ears
>Start reading books
>Do a little character building about how I became a druid
>Too old to learn how to be a wizard
>Bones too weak to be a warrior
>Lmao maybe the great Space Elephant will grant me power?
>Have epiphany
>Yog, the great king of the beyond comes to me in a dream
>”Elephant Fucker, you must use the power of mother nature to kill your enemies or some shit.”
>It’s also a wet dream
>Fuck a young elephant slut
>Start using my wisdom to become a druid
>Travelling through the mountains one day
>Starts raining
>God damn it’s cold
>Thankfully alot of my warm blood goes to my trunk
>and cock
>Find a cave and crawl inside to sleep
>Go to sleep thinking about elephant sluts and Yog
>Wake up with a fucking lizard licker, a robocock, and a dwarf dick about to kill me
>Fuck
>”Who are you? Why are you in our cave?”
>The cave was made into a custom player location
>Read the description
>Dimly lit cave that’s surprisingly large
>It’s the size of a large house
>A few mediocre walls have been erected to separate rooms for players
>The designated shitting hole is in front
>And you thought DnD was full of savages
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)01:37:33 No.855801018
>Decide to hide the fact that Im an old elephant cheek clapping bachelor
>Gonna act like I’m old and wise
>Scratch that
>I’m old so I’ll try to act wise
>Say a few words slowly in Loxodon
>party is like wut.jpg
>”I said.. My name is Yag-kosha.. Of the uhh.. Order of Yog.”
>Stunned
>”What’re you doing in our cave?”
>Gonna go all out
>Roll Wisdom
>ROLL a 13 +3, it passes
>”Strange… that a Warforge of your variance would live alongside creatures of flesh.. Strange indeed.”
>”You know what I am?”
>Spend time pondering the question
>”The Order of Yog know many things, among the order I know little on this topic, among the common peasantry I know much.”
>DM overseer tries to fact check me about “Order of Yog”
>Let him know it’s all lies
>Everyone knows it’s a lie
>No one except him cared
>Common shitty DM shit
>Lizard licker speaks up
>”Still, you’re in our cave!”
>I sigh and slowly lumber to my feet
>”Speaking in this savage tongue makes me so weary, I only wish to rest before continuing my journey.”
>Dwarf backs me up
>”We hate speaking common too, elves and humans are basic as fuck.”
>I solemnly nod in agreement like an old man
>”Well Yag-kosha, you can stay with us. We were actually about to eat breakfast.”
>Finally enough of this fucking roleplay shit
>All Yag the Elephant Fucker-kosha wants to do is fuck elephants and kill bandits
>Robocock wants to rp
>”So Yag-kosha, what is your culture, land, and people like?”
>Fuck
>Get down to business and get everything sorted
>Main city is a few days travel away
>The city is mostly populated by Humans
>Lots of Elf characters camp out over there and fuck each other
>Literally
>Start our trek to the city where we can pick up some ez quests
>Farm the random encounters along the way until we get one day away from the town
>Stop at a village
>”Adventurers! Help us, our village’s grain supply was stolen by goblins!”
>Everyone in my party goes Goblin Slayer mode
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)01:38:37 No.855801068
>>855801018
>Taught everyone in the party Loxodon so I can fake being a wise non-common speaking old elephant guy
>”Rockatooga leahnra teelie.”
>NPC Villagers wtfing
>”He said that the ways of his people compel him to aid you.”
>That’s not what I said
>I said I had to shit
>Guess we’re killing goblins
>Bust our ass backwards a few miles until we find the goblin hide out
>A few trees were cut down and made into a square around their campfire
>Hideout is beside a river so we decide to hit it from the west
>If they run they’ll run into the river and drown
>No mercy
>Lizardlicker and Dwarfdick sneak up close while me and Robocock hang back
>”Almighty lord Yog, I call thee to hold my enemies and make them bare.”
>I cast Entangle on the group
>All fucking 12 of them
>They were huddled together so they all got caught in it
>4 passed the saving throw and got out
>The rest were stuck for this round
>Robocock runs forward and stands pounding the shit out of the 4 that got out
>Gives up some KI to do multiple attacks and kills 3 of the 4
>Dwarfdick and Lizardlicker shoot arrows into the crowd
>Next turn passes and goblincucks can’t get out of the weeds
>lmao trash
>Robocock karate chops that green fag and gets to work on the hoes in the grass
>Rest of party start slicing the pie while I maintain Entanglement
>One goblin is able to escape my weeds of death but swiftly catches a kick in the dick
>Let entanglement fade away and raid the camp
>Find shit loads of grain
>A small chest with copper and silver coins
>A steel trident with a jewel that I got because I needed a melee weapon
>And the greatest thing of all
>We got to liberate a goblin female
>At first we were gonna kill it, then we figured that a sex slave wouldn’t be bad
>Joking
>Who fucks goblins?
>The way it works is that goblins usually capture and rape women
>But from time to time a goblin female is born
>They grow from the size of a regular goblin into a hobgoblin if they stay a virgin
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)01:39:26 No.855801119
>>855801068
>This one was a reddish color so we could tell that she hadn’t been raped yet
>Took a lot of convincing to stop lizardlicker from raping it
>Now you’re asking yourself
>”Anon that’s weird, I didn’t know DnD was like that!”
>It was the community lore
>A lot of these guys watched Goblin Slayer
>So Goblin quests were a thing and a lot of raping went down
>elephantdickerect.png
>Return to village
>”Thank you for bringing back the grain and catching this goblin for us! We’ll put her to work!”
>Villagers wanted to enslave our goblin
>That we had liberated
>So that we could enslave it ourselves
>Not gonna happen
>Warforge rolls for charisma
>Hits a hot 14
>”This goblin is property of uh, Yag-kosha, 2nd Degree Grand Imperator and uh Valippian Tribune of the Order of Yog.”
>Points to me and villagers go silent
>”We are sorry to have offended you Yag-kosha, forgive us and please take this humble gift!”
>Leveled up, got a sweet trident, a goblin buttslut, and a silver medallion for casting one spell
>Warn my party
>”My order is a secretive one, you mustn’t speak of it so lightly!”
>I want them to keep talking about it
>Make me a famous elephant fucker
>I’ll get to fuck all the long trunk sluts
>Keep moving onto town
>Finally after all this time
>2 irl weeks
>We get to the town and start running into other characters
>Keep my hood and cloak up so no one can see I’m a trunknigga
>Make our way to the Wide Bazaar
>It’s pretty much the player market
>Prebuilt houses, mines, farms, keeps, plots of land
>Building supplies, prepared food, common weapons in bulk
>Magical items, spell books, horses, dogs, animals of every sort really
>The Bazaar bought whatever the players sold but would flip it at 1.5 the price
>Reminded me of Wizard101
>Coolest thing was at the bottom of the lists
>Slaves
>You weren’t allowed to enslave humans, elves, or hobbits
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)01:40:03 No.855801147
>>855801119
>And you weren’t allowed to enslave random people
>You COULD get away with enslaving peaceful NPCs if they didn’t belong to the three off limit races
>But if you got caught you’d receive a bounty
>Strangely enough they had NO slaves for sale
>Thought long and hard about selling the goblinbuttslut
>Decided against it
>Sell my amulet and do a coin conversion
>About to leave when I say fuckit
>Check how much they’d buy my buttslut for
>Fucking 10 gold pieces
>What a joke
>Before I can type out my action to leave
>A fucking Elf and his entourage of twinks and trannies burst in and start berating me
>”HOW FUCKING DARE YOU TRY TO SELL SOMEONE, THIS PERSON IS A SENTIENT BEING!”
>I see why there’s no slaves on the market
>Fuck
>”Hagalaga ragataga magawaga.”
>Elves are confused because some fag in a hood just started babbling
>”He said that we were only curious of the trade value of such morally corrupt currency, we had no intention of selling her.”
>Elves go fucking berserk
>”So you planned on keeping this poor innocent person as a slave? YOU FUCKING PIECES OF SHIT!!!!”
>Fuck
>If we roll for charisma they will too
>Then we’d most likely lose the slave
>They had a bard with high Charisma
>Fuck
>Try to leave and elves step aside
>All but one of the buildings in the city are non-pvp
>If you attack anyone outside the pvp zone the guards will rush you
>You COULD still attack someone
>But you have to be quick
>Elves aren’t that smart
>Go to the inn and try to rent a room
>Elves follow us
>”You can’t get away from us that easily you pieces of shit!” etc
>Fuck
>Go to the City Garden and talk to the groundskeeper npc
>Gives us a quest about retrieving a rare vegetable
>Cool
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)01:41:05 No.855801203
>>855801147
>Elves start berating us again
>Go back to inn and AGAIN they follow us
>Walk into the inn and up to the owner when a new set of players follow us and the elves inside
>He was like fucking Constantine cresting the hill above Rome with the banners of Sol Invictus
>Grognak the FUCKING Crucifier
>Infamous Minotaur Barbarian
>Defiler of virgin wombs
>Destroyer of cultural artifacts
>Murderer
>Torturer
>Enemy of the gentlefolk
>Raped and pillaged everything in the Valley of the Damned
>Faced the Dragon of Fallen Peak alone
>And won
>Then fucked it
>Literally
>The epitome of a Barbarian character
>Most likely on steroids
>No mercy for the weak
>Only rape, enslavement, and death
>The definition of Murder Hobo
>Highest level Barbarian in game
>Literally fucks everything with a working vagina
>Cows, horses, centaurs, goats, humans, dwarves, elves
>At first the elf players in the game thought it was hot bc he was a big girthy bull nigga
>No
>He was fucking to get bitches pregnant
>He’d take anything he got pregnant back with him to god knows where
>Then bring em back after they gave birth
>Then fuck em some more
>Some said he ate the babies
>Some said he sacrificed them to his dark gods
>But that’s all irrelevant
>Because he was here
>Here and right in front of us
>We knew he did a lot of fucking
>We knew he did a lot of fighting
>And we didn’t have the holes for fucking
Need some bumps, the story is pretty long so far.
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)01:41:47 No.855801241
>>855801203
>When he burst into the inn my friends started messaging me in our group chat
>”BRO BRO DON’T SAY ANYTHING TO PISS HIM OFF BRO, HE’LL FUCKING MURDER US”
>Everybody goes silent while he types
>”Atlas, good to see you bro. How have you been?”
>Grognak shakes hands with Robocock
>They had only met once and exchanged names
>Atlas had “escaped” by letting Grognak have some loot
>”Good Grognak, we were just coming to this inn for the night.”
>Grognak had three player character goblin slaves with him
>All three of them were wearing black cloaks and grovelling at kneeheight to their master
>Wasn’t sure if he had enslaved them or they were his friends
>”These tree fuckers bothering you?”
>Grognak didn’t care about us
>He was trying to piss off the elves
>”Just you wait you big savage, wait until (insert random name of elf faggot leader) hears about this!”
>The elves rant on for a while longer and Grognak calls them gay and retarded a few times
>”Atlas why don't you and your friends come with me for a while?”
>We can’t refuse
>He’d literally murder us
>He takes us from one place to another
>The elves in hot pursuit
>All the while trying to get us to rage quit for the night
>It’s like 1 am but its summer so we don't care
>Go to the Gem store and Grognak buys a gem for his knuckle dusters
>”Sometimes I like to feel the bones crack, it’s like a massage for your knuckles.”
>He’s been eyeing our goblin buttslut and we weren’t too sure why until his goblin slaves also rolled for perception on her
>They wanted to buy her from us
>Elves noticed but didn’t understand
>”Stop ogling that poor defenseless person you animals!”
>Get a message from Grognak the Crucifier
>”Follow my lead Anon.”
>Takes us through the streets to the other side of town where the brothels and tavern is at
>Walks into the tavern and we follow
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)01:42:39 No.855801296
>>855801241
>Do a perception check
>All of the city’s low lifes and hated player characters are hanging out here
>I’m talking about murderers, rapists, and criminals
>If you could take the worst people out of hell and put them somewhere
>It’d be here
>They fucking cheered like a fangirl club when Grognak walked in
>Goes from a bunch of dudes whispering and plotting
>Into a fucking party
>Didn’t know DnD niggas got down like this
>Bards start jamming out to the “1322 A.D. Party Rock Anthem”
>Bitches start throwing themselves on everyone
>Me included
>Ears aren’t long enough
>Trunk won’t even get hard
>I’m getting old as fuck
>For a while the Elves don’t follow us in
>And I’d soon learn why
>Robocock and Dwarfdick are pulling security at the stairs while I and Lizardlicker hang at the bar
>Grognak is upstairs fucking a waitress
>While his slaves “dance” in the bar room
>About 10 irl minutes pass and the elves start flooding in
>Altogether about a dozen of them
>Turns out that they wanted help before coming here
>Because the Tavern was the ONLY place in the town that was pvp
>Everyone is dancing
>Everyone is having a good time
>Elves start bitching at me again
>”You should let that innocent gobin go!”
>Lizardlicker argues on my behalf
>Grognak’s cloaked slaves start moving around
>They position themselves infront of the doors of the bar
>No one can get out and no one can get in
>Grognak the Crucifier is typing…
>Elves know they fucked up but can’t react fast enough
>By the time one of them turns to the door the slaves have already shed their cloaks
>They aren’t fucking goblins
>They’re fucking Hobgoblin Assassins
>Grognak charges the bar naked
>Cock out and swinging like a third arm
>Smacks the first elf with his horns and starts brawling
>Here we fucking go
>NPCs yell
>”BAR FIGHT!”
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)01:57:00 No.855802089
>You aren’t allowed to use bladed weapons or magic
>But you can bludgeon the fuck out of anyone
>Two of the Hobgoblin Assassins jump into the fray with truncheons while the rest of the bar starts fighting
>One hobgoblin stays at the door
>Beat drops and the bar is a fucking RIOT
>Dwarfdick and Robocock stop guarding the stairs and jump in on the fight
>In their defense, the Elves put up one hell of a fight at first
>At one point there were 6 fighting Grognak and almost winning
>Didn’t last long
>All these players loved Grognak
>Everyone starts jumping the elves
>A party of 4 dwarves that are all multiclassed as Fighter/Bard
>Started singing Diggy Diggy Hole while they curbstomped an elf ranger
>Dwarfdick sings along
>Rolls a 18 so the bar is literally vibrating with the sounds of their joined song
>Fuck it
>Decide now's a good time to reveal myself
>Pick up three chairs
>One with my left hand, one with my right, and one with my trunk
>Do a fucking Elephant Roar for intimidation
>Roll a nat 20
>Ear curdling sound of a stampeding elephant as I jump head first into the biggest group of elves
>Swinging chairs in every fucking direction
>Smacking elves and friends alike
>”wtf there’s an elephant!”
>SMACK
>”SMALL EARED FAGGOT ELVES, WHERE’S MY ELEPHANT PUSSY?!?!”
>First elf runs for the door
>Gets cracked on the head by the truncheon carrying Hobgoblins
>Grognak picks up the highest level elf (a 21) and throws him out the window
>”RAPE THE WOMEN! TOSS OUT THE MEN!”
>Whole bar roars as we start dragging the men out
>Ofcourse we didn’t plan on raping the female elves
>Just wanted to scare them
>Half are trannies anyways
>Cutting coin purses left and right
>These fags have never heard of a bank
>Thousands of coins all over the place
>One of the elf sluts goes into OOC and consents to being raped in game
>Literally everyone in ooc:”Yo wtf nigga”
>Steal all their shit and throw them all out
>Start partying again
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)01:58:01 No.855802145
>>855802089
>”Sorry For Party Rocking circa 1309”
>Dwarves are eating all the food
>I’m drinking all the wine
>Grognak is fucking all the sluts
>Everyone is counting the free elf coins
>Few friendly brawls break out
>Robocock knocks out a couple people with his Monk strength
>Bitches want Robocock
>Robocock takes out his robocock
>VC with friends is literally ear rape and screams of laughter
>Go get liquor and start drinking
>Funniest single night I’ve ever had playing DnD
>All good things come to an end
>A bunch more elves start showing up
>Guess these fags called and told their friends to come help
>metagame.gif
>40 or so Elves, Humans, and other common races gather outside for a real fight
>There’s about 25 of us inside
>The Tavern is home to some of the better evil questgivers so a bunch of players had been there for the fight
>A little run down
>You had Good, Neutral, and Evil quest givers
>No matter what you could have Neutral
>If your Karma was good or bad you could also have Good or Evil
>Most if not all the players in the Tavern were ready to fight for Grognak and us
>Everyone thought the drunken elephant rampage with 3 chairs was funny
>Ironically enough we weren’t blacksheep really
>Most people didn’t like the elves and their high morality circle jerking
>But elves also make up a good portion of the player base
>Plus another portion of player DO like playing with them
>About 60% to our 40%
>Well it continues on like a stand off for a while
>The elves and friends want us to come outside so they can use weapons and spells
>They really want to kill us
>Me, the dwarf bards, and like two other players have some okay magic
>The elves on the other hand are mostly magic users
>Unless we could get close they’d decimate us
>Grognak says he could kill at least five if he got close
>Turns out he’s smart tho
>”We’re gonna stay inside and get them to attack, trust me.”
>Start trading insults for a while
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)01:59:36 No.855802218
>>855802145
>I wish I could say it was Dwarfdick that did it
>But it was the leader of the Dwarf bard party
>He leaned out the window and started fucking flaming the elves
>”ALRIGHT, Listen here you knife eared pieces of shite, if you go any further with your piss stained pubic hair you call a wig.
>I’m gonna wreck your shit so hard that you won’t even be able to walk with your limp dick.
>I’m gonna shove my foot so far up your shaven perfect little ass that your breath is gonna smell like shoe polish.
>I’m gonna flagellate you with my fucking beird.
>I’m gonna build you a pair of runic mechanical balls and use surgical precision to sew them to your groin where your manhood ought to be
>Just so I can kick them with my iron fucking feet, you TWAT!”
>I don’t know why they let him rant on
>But god did it piss them off
>Obviously a copypasta yeah
>And the elves knew that
>But the thing that pissed them off the most is that they couldn’t get him in trouble for the copypasta
>Because it was EXACTLY something his character would say
>Elves are fucking FUMING
>”Take aim! Fire!”
>Start launching arrows and fireballs at the tavern
>Everyone ducks
>Dwarfdick gets his beard singed
>”Knife eared pricks!”
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)02:10:24 No.855802780
>>855802218
>Grognak the Crucifier starts cackling
>”Now they’ll have the city guard to fight too.”
>NPC guards start pouring into the road infront of the tavern
>Start arresting players that opened fire on the tavern
>”Now’s our moment, charge out and help the guards!”
>We all rush out of the tavern and beat the shit out of the five players trying to resist the guards
>All 5 hadn’t been in the initial bar brawl so they had fresh gear and gold
>Mob all 5 with little to no minimal damage
>Their friends have to watch in horror as we beat the ever living shit out of them
>Attacking players or houses in the city is jail time
>Killing guards or people and being caught is Death
>We are allowed to help guards catch criminals
>So they either watch us “help” or they fight the guards and have the whole NPC group turn on them
>Fucking bliss
>And it's all because of one little goblin buttslut
>”Ayo let's get the fuck out of here before they decide to attack us again.”
>Grognak and his slaves leave town and so do we
>The rest of the players rush back into the Tavern and block the entrance for another safe party
>Elves might decide to attack the stragglers but most will get out alright
>My party and Grognak head north through the mountain pass and into the “Badlands”
>The mountain pass was also the entry to two valleys
>One valley on the left
>One valley on the right
>On the left is the Valley of the Damned
>Originally it is a land where criminals were sent to repent for their crimes
>It’s a desolate place with little to no natural resources
>Only a few settlements dot the valley
>And of those few only one was still around
>That one that was still around was Grognak’s base of operations
>His small base was set on top of the ruins of an ancient city there
>The valley itself was styled to resemble a part of the Conan Exiles map
>It was where Evil karma characters could find high level quests
>They could also go scavenging in the many ancient ruins
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)02:11:20 No.855802821
>>855802780
I'm farming bumps so the thread don't die
>That all changed when Grognak the Crucifier came to town
>I learned from his backstory that Grognak is actually pretty chill
>Guess I’ll tell you about it to shed light on his personality
>He had been the outcast from his tribe
>In his own words he was “Too soft” on the slaves
>Since no one played a minotaur he pretty much wrote the race backstory for them in this universe
>Minotaurs were a completely male species
>They could breed with almost every other sentient/nonsentient species
>It was just a question of if the mother could carry the child to term
>Gnomes, Halflings, and especially small dwarves weren’t really safe for Minotaurs to fuck
>Keep in mind that Grognak didn’t care about the wellbeing of women
>It was all about the child
>A baby dying in our outside the womb was the worst that could happen
>”Wars of genocidal rage have been fought over the death of Minotaur babies.”
>In their society Minotaurs were ranked by fatherhood
>Minotaurs could go thirty years without growing horns and being sterile all the while
>Conforming them to the rank of Son
>Once they got their horns and had their first child they rose to the rank of Brother
>Once a Brother had fathered ten children and done something of high honor he’d be promoted to the rank of Father
>Fathers overseeing a large group of Brothers or sons who had become Fathers could request the Right of Lineage
>at which point they’d be allowed to leave and start their own branch family
>The oldest Father of entire families were called Grand Fathers
>Grognak’s real name was Grog, but his family name was Nak
>Branch families added parts to their last name like Grog-nak-von
>He had only been a Brother when he was forced to leave his family over kin-slaying
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)02:12:28 No.855802871
>>855802805
Thanks for the bump anyway anon.
Tl;dr elves act gay and get their ass kicked for being faggots.
>It seemed a little brutal but it reminded me alot of Klingons from Star Trek
>You couldn’t challenge your superior unless they were a direct blood brother or it was your blood father
>To challenge someone else you had to ask for permission from your blood father
>If you were a Father of an entire branch you had to ask permission from your Grand Father to declare war on another family
>Disputes within the same family
>No matter how far away the branches were
>Could not be resolved in war
>The Fathers of each family would either have the issue resolved by the Grand Father, single combat between the Fathers, or through a chosen champion of each family
>And the reason Grognak got thrown out of his family
>Females were a high commodity to the Minotaurs
>They were treated like goddesses and those that gave birth to 3 or more children were named Honored Mothers
>Basically making them apart of the family and giving them say in family affairs if they wished it
>You could only kill a female under special circumstance
>Murder, being a sterile slave and refusing to work, and purposeful miscarriage of a child
>His cousin accused a Centaur woman of killing a baby she was carrying on purpose
>Grognak defended the woman and claimed the child was his own anyway
>When his cousin drew a knife to gut the woman
>Grognak took his head off with an axe
>The usual punishment for kinkilling was, wouldn’t ya guess, crucifixion
>But because of the extenuating circumstances he was dishonored and banished
>The only way to return was to complete the Trial of Honor
>Basically he’d have to do something so fucking crazy and awesome that his Grand Father recalled him to the family
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)02:13:32 No.855802937
>>855802871
>He had moved all the quest giving and important NPCs to his settlement and centralized power in the valley
>You could say that he was the leader of a tiny city state
>But considering the fact he had raped, killed, and tortured all but maybe twenty of the NPCs in the region
>It was more like he was King of the Hill
>That’s not to say he wasn’t trying to rebuild in the Valley of the Damned
>He had hired a merchants to set up shop in his city
>Which was named Ruin
>Hostile NPCs were repopulating the land but were under the defacto libertarian rule of Grognak the Crucifier
>Which made them sorta stay out of his way or get raped on sight
>Instead of just criminals and outcasts some settlers were showing up
>The only natural resources in this valley were small lakes and streams abundant in clay deposits and stone mines
>And to get those resources he had to annoy the shit out of the mod team by hiring scouts and rangers to search the land for any sign of a valuable resource
>He didn’t take this and just leave it tho
>Grognak had taken nearly all of his money and invested into building shacks, wells, and farms around these and selling them at low prices to attract settlers
>If you haven’t picked up yet
>Grognak was brutal and relied on tribal law and ritual, but fair and smart enough to plan ahead
>The right valley wasn’t as interesting or barbaric
>It was named the Bronze Valley
>All over the place were Tin and Copper mines
>Like all fucking over it
>The only issue was that it was home to hillbilly dwarves
>This valley had once been home to an ancient dwarf civilization during the Bronze Age
>The descendents were HEAVILY xenophobic and one wrong move could get you killed
>Except for other dwarves
>Funnily enough the only difference between these dwarves and others was that they spoke with a “redneck” accent
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)02:14:17 No.855802981
>>855802937
>Most common races had their own area
>Dwarves had this valley
>Elves had a forest in the far north
>Humans had the main city
>Hobbits had a colony
>Then those cute little buggers the Grungs had their island
>Don’t forget about them
>Point is that each race area had race specific quests one could take
>Because of that when Grognak went left with his Hobgoblins to Ruin
>We had a really hard time getting Dwarfdick to stay on the road north
>He was pissed off that we could go east and do some dwarf quests
>Forgot to mention that he bought the goblin buttslut off us for 150 Gold
>What a fucking chad
>Enough worldbuilding let's move onto our grand quest
>We had accepted a quest from the gardner to go north and find a rare vegetable
>Sounded retarded but he was offering 300 Gold and an enchanted pair of Battle Gauntlets that Robocock wanted
>It wasn’t until we left that we figured out that this quest was made to seem mundane
>”rare vegetable”
>Either we were on a wild cucumber chase or we were gonna get our ass kicked
>Soon we’d learn that it was the latter
>We exited the mountain pass and headed due east
>A day’s travel put us at the foot of a plateau
>We hadn’t ran into anything of interest just yet
>The ENTIRE party was on edge
>On the way we had been ambushed by four bandits and went full tactical mode thinking SHTF
>Turned out it was just the random encounter roll for the trip
>The quest said that ontop of the plateau we could find the rare vegetable
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)02:15:33 No.855803050
>>855802981
>Yeah, nothing indicated danger
>But we elected to forego the common path
>Lizardlicker scales the plateau and looks around for an alternate way up
>After an hour he returns and tells us there’s a goat path that leads to the top
>Persianmodeactivated.webm
>We make our way to the goat path
>By the time we get there it’s already night fall
>I didn’t like this but Dwarfdick had perfect night vision and the others had it pretty good
>”Weak eyes, good ears.”
>Make our way up the goat path
>The terrain is rocky but the closer we get to the top the more grass, shrubs, and moss we find
>Every so often we stop and light a torch so I can look for any “rare” vegetables
>Don’t find a damn thing
>Party is getting annoyed because we are almost at the top of the plateau
>We think it’s an obvious trap
>Stop and check the shrubberies again
>Feel like a fucking pig looking for truffles
>Keep moving
>Can’t see shit
>Trip and smack my trunk on a rock
>I’m pissed off
>Do a perception roll to look for shit while I’m down here
>Find nothing
>Roar and stomp around mad as fuck
>Hear some shit moving in the bushes and the WHOLE party stops
>Fuck
>We must have sprung the trap
>Run nigga run
>Start busting ass up the path and onto the plateau
>If we gotta fight we want to fight in an open area
>Stop at the very top and wait in battle formation
>Me in the middle
>Robocock at the back
>Dwarfdick and Lizardlicker in front
>And we waited
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)02:16:10 No.855803097
>>855803050
>We keep rolling perception checks and for all our darkvision and luck we can’t see shit
>Lizardlicker speaks up
>”Maybe it was just a rabbit?”
>We were hoping the DM would reveal something
>Nothing happened and we started looking for shit again
>We knew shit was awry when we started actually finding shit
>Beneath some bushes we’d find HUGE chunks of dirt dug out
>And the roots would be torn out and eaten
>These were all hints that the party needed to get the FUCK out of dodge
>Robocock really wanted those gauntlets
>Instead of staying the same area we headed towards the regular path up the plateau
>The thought was that whatever was gonna attack us would be there
>Waiting to ambush us
>So it came down to us ambushing that creature first
>The closer we got to the path the more fucked up roots we found
>It got to the point that literally EVERY bush was dug up
>Seriously shitting our pants by the time the culprit was found
>Funnily enough the DM didn’t like the fact that we were gonna ambush his ambush
>Instead he changed it to that when we got to a certain point we’d STILL get ambushed
>What that faggot didn’t keep in mind was that Dwarfdick had PERFECT dark vision
>When we walked smack dab into the ambush area
>Dwarf rolled for perception and spotted the fucker right away
>That’s not to say he wasn’t terrified
>”BY ME FATHER’S BEARD, HOLY SHIT!”
>We all draw weapons
>Dwarfdick is having a panic attack
>I prepare to cast a spell
>Robocock charges his KI
>Lizardlicker draws his bow
>”Dwarfdick, what do your dwarf eyes see?”
>Dramatic pause
>”ITS A FUCKING MOUNTAIN DRAKE!”
>Fuck
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)02:24:20 No.855803530
>>855803451
It's uh, pretty long
>Robocock takes up the leadership role
>”Stay together! Cast some fucking spells you elephant nigger!”
>I don’t know the stats for Mountain Drakes
>Only that they were more dangerous on land than a Dragon was
>The size of a large draft horse
>And easily pissed off
>Really wish Grognak was with us
>He had killed like a dozen dragons and fucked one of them
>Cast Entangle without thinking
>Everyone yells for me to stop
>Too late
>The Drake embarasses me by rolling a 10 strength check and the MODIFIER OF PLUS 6 BEATS ME
>PLUS FUCKING 6 STRENGTH
>Fuck
>Drake’s turn
>Those little vines really pissed him off
>Charges us
>Has 3 attacks in one turn
>Because we were in formation and braced it rolled at disadvantage
>1 hit lands on Dwarfdick
>Does 15 damage
>Fuck
>That would be ALL my health almost
>Our turn again
>Everybody starts dogpiling the Drake
>Robocock dumps his KI for a really good turn of power attacks
>22 Damage
>Dwarfdick uses his surge attack and does three attacks
>2 land and do 17 damage altogether
>Lizardlicker runs behind the Drake and sneak attacks its hamstrings
>Attack lands and does a critical for 25 damage
>I cast frost bite and do 8 damage
>Try to stab it with my trident and miss
>Drake’s turn
>He’s pissed
>Fuck
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)02:25:09 No.855803570
>>855803530
>We weren’t in formation anymore so now he rolled regular
>And by god did that fucker give it his all
>First attack he swiped and hit Robocock for 12 and Dwarfdick for 16
>2 more hits like that and they would go down
>Turns and BITES Lizard licker for a WHOPPING 21 damage
>Fuck
>Our turn again
>Dwarf dick uses second wind to heal up some
>Then he attacks and does 20 damage
>This fucker will NOT go down
>Robocock heals up with Wholeness of Body and starts punching the Drake
>16 damage
>Fucker still won’t go down
>Lizardlicker jumps on the back of the Drake and uses Grovel to distract it while also preparing Uncanny Dodge
>My turn
>Gotta think fast
>Lightbulb
>The Drake is standing in one spot right now
>Cast Mold Earth
>The Drake is up to its ankles in mud
>Unless it moves it has to fight at a disadvantage next turn
>Drake’s turn again
>Wants to move but it’s distracted by Lizarddick’s grovelling
>Throws all three attacks and because of the mud/grovelling it has to roll at double disadvantage
>Fails all three and gets MORE pissed off
>Our turn again
>”LET'S GET EM BOYS!”
>Everybody starts clobbering the fucker the entire round
>Do a combined amount of 40 damage
>But we were getting too cocky
>It wasn’t done just yet
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)02:25:45 No.855803605
>>855803570
>Drake rolls for strength and tosses Lizardlicker off his back
>Decides to focus all three attacks on Dwarfdick
>Notgud.jpg
>Slash slash and bite
>All three hit
>52 DAMAGE
>Dwarfdick goes down
>Fuck
>He’s not dead but he’s out of the fight for now
>Robocock is mad asf
>He loves Dwarfdick
>Time to go Berserk mode
>HAI YO
>Dumps the rest of his Ki points into his attacks
>”Serious Series: Serious Punch!”
>Punches the Drake straight in the nose 4 times and does 26 damage
>Still won’t go down
>Lizardlicker let's out a Kobold battle cry and shoots two arrows at the Drake
>Only one hits
>Does 8 damage
>My turn
>Gotta think fast
>Next round it’ll take out Robocock then I’m on my own with Lizardlicker
>Fuck
>Lizardlicker sucks at fighting
>If I go down, nothing of value is lost
>Robocock can still do consecutive attacks
>And Lizardlicker can do more sneak attacks at advantage
>All I needed to do was give them enough time to execute it
>”WITNESS ME!”
>Cast Thorn Whip
>Do 7 damage and pull the Drake away from Robocock and towards me
>Face to face with the Drake
>Its his turn
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)02:32:23 No.855803964
>>855803605
>Drake isn’t so happy with my actions
>I can feel every god to ever exist weighing my life
>Drake rolls all three attacks
>HE FUCKING MISSES 2 OF THE THREE
>LOXODONS HAVE A NATURAL AC OF 12 + CONSTITUTION MODIFIER
>MINE WAS + 3
>I still got lucky though
>His attacks were rolling at 16-20
>”Eat a dick you big lizard faggot.”
>Nonchalantly slap him with my trunk
>Our turn again
>Robcock runs up and starts punching the beast in the ribs
>Lizard licker jumps on its back again and does a sneak attack for 17 damage
>DM tells us that the Drake is getting very weak now
>Took the fucker long enough
>Cast Frostbite and back away
>I did what I could
>Didn’t really have the balls for heroics anymore
>I need my trunk for my sluts
>Horrible decision
>Drake throws Lizardlicker off his back again
>Proceeds to then RIP Robocock a new USB port
>Robcock goes down
>Just me and Lizardlicker now
>I have officially shit all over myself
>These were my good clothes
>Fuck
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)02:32:55 No.855803991
>>855803964
>Lizardlicker’s player is pissed off and accuses DM of cheating
>Basically he didn’t like that the Drake was focussing on one player at a time
>In normal circumstances monsters wouldn’t do that
>Suffice to say that some of our previous antics were frowned upon
>There’s no arguing with this guy
>Lizardlicker says fuck it
>If we die we die like men he said
>”TENNO HEIKA, BANZAII!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
>Jumps on the Drake’s back again and starts stabbing the fucker like crazy
>I cast Frost Bite again and RUN away as far as I can
>Drake’s turn again
>Whip’s Lizardlicker’s ass
>He’s down
>I’m all alone
>Thankfully he doesn’t have any more attacks this round and I’m JUST out of his reach
>My turn
>Now that everyone’s out of the way I can cast some crazy as fuck spells
>Cast Erupting Earth
>Tossing huge fucking stones into the air
>”Yog give me strength to eat the asshole of my enemies!”
>Do 29 damage
>Run away as far as I can again
>Drake chases me and is barely out of reach
>I’ll only have one chance
>Cast Summon Lightning
>Blast his punk ass with a bolt of Zeus’s cum
>Pray he goes down
>Doesn’t go down
>cast another non-attack spell as a bonus action
>Then I fucking run
>His turn again
>He’s gonna get me
>First attack hits
>I go down
>The entire party is down
>This is the end
>Not
>Drake ends its turn and I awaken from my slumber
>Feign Death is one hell of a spell
>Cast Ice Knife
>Blast a fucking icicle through the Drake’s skull
>The battle is over
>We have won
>The Drake is Dead
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)02:33:29 No.855804028
>>855803991
>Party is absolutely assblasted and exhausted
>We don’t even look for the vegetable
>I heal everyone to the best of my ability and we rest
>Whole party is salty about the ass kicking we took
>”Elephant nigga why didn’t you fucking use those spells before.”
>It should be obvious
>”You were all in the way, it would have done more harm than good.”
>”Obviously not, we all got our ass kicked.”
>Couldn’t really argue with that logic
>Didn’t have to though
>Dwarfdick and Lizardlicker gutted the Drake and started cooking
>All the while Robocock is taking a little nap to recharge his batteries
>DM is made that we’re feasting on the Drake
>Tastes like chicken
>Mmmm so good
>I’m drunk as fuck right now readers
>But its working like ADHD medication
>We eat the Drake and skin its hide
>Dwarfdick wants to stop back at the Bronze valley to sell the hide
>Convinces us that the dwarves would want it
>”Muh Drake is a special beast etc etc”
>Wasn’t really all that special when it was kicking our ass
>Everyone finishes resting and we are about to head back down when Robocock goes full Sherlock Holmes
>”We NEED to go back down through the goat path.”
>By this time we had already dug up the tubers that were our “rare” vegetables
>All that mattered now was getting back with it to retrieve our reward
>Nothing could be lost by going through the goat path to get back down
>Initially we thought it was out of some sense of not getting jumped by a second Drake
>Once we got moving we figure that Robocock thought we’d find the offspring of the beast
>When we skinned it we found that it was actually a female
>We named her Tammy
>Because she was a bitch
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)02:35:32 No.855804124
>>855804028
>Start making our way down the goat path again
>the persians have found the goat path
>Checking bushes left and right
>Stumble upon a treasure trove of gear, coins, and rotting corpses
>That gardner should be tried for manslaughter
>Go through the gear
>Mostly basic gear and low level magic items
>Not a single weapon that I can use
>This trident sucks dick
>Haven’t hit a single thing with it so far
>Fuck
>We gather up all the coins
>Amounts to about 50 gold, quite the haul
>Keep moving down the goat path
>thepersianshaveoutflankedus.mkv
>That’s not my last 300 joke bitch
>After rummaging through a dozen bushes
>We find our prize
>Behind the same bush that made Lizardlicker piss himself
>We find a very skinny Young Mountain Drake in a nest of tree branches
>Alongside 5 unhatched eggs
>Little bro is the size of a donkey
>Eggs are as big as a cask
>Try to get the little goy to come along
>Won’t budge
>Gonna have to cast a spell
>Combat didn’t start so I don’t have to worry about slot spells
>Cast Animal Friendship
>Works
>Get curious about why it’s mom was so far away
>Also kinda feel bad for killing the mom
>Cast Speak with Animals
>These tubers were actually super poisonous to most animals
>Caused psychedelic fits of rage
>Take PCP and Bathsalts and you’ll get this thing
>We put together that the mother had dug them up and ate a few
>Unwittingly got herself all fucked up
>Could not find her nest
>Which is good for us because she would probably have killed her brood
>Considering how skinny the Young Drake was
>Guess she’d been on the plateau for a few weeks eating and looking for her nest
>Pretty sad
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)02:36:17 No.855804169
>>855804124
>It should be a given that we decided to take the little bro with us
>Name him Josh
>He is a Drake and his name is Josh
>trollface.png
>Pick up all the eggs and struggle to carry them around
>Fuck
>Get tired
>”Dwarfdick, make something so Drake can carry these eggs.”
>”Oh so because I’m a dwarf, I just know how to make shit?”
>Does a roll to see if he can
>nat 20
>”Fuck you guys.”
>Crafts makeshift carrying pouches
>Dwarfdick has an idea
>”Yo can I have this guy?”
>Not really an issue with us
>Ask a GM for a permanent beast bond
>”Yeah bro, ya’ll deserve it.”
>My nigga
>On condition we spend one REAL LIFE hour casting the spell
>We all take a break to go eat lunch
>Just so everyone knows
>An organized group will have several Dungeon Masters DMs
>But the main guy or creator is the Gamemaster GM
>GM wasn’t the creator but he was a real life friend to the creator
>He didn’t really like us
>But he was fair
>A real fucking nigga
>Cast Beast Bond on the Young Drake and Dwarfdick
>Little Josh loves his new master
>Dwarfdick hops on Josh’s back and starts riding
>Looks like a fucking dwarf king
>We decide early on that Josh can’t be brought into fights
>He has three 1d6 attacks per turn BUT he only had 10 HP
>So a big no no to that
>Most NPC companions could be levelled up
>Horses and other non-pvp creatures couldn’t
>But soldiers, slaves, and fighting creatures could
>Josh was literally level 0
>At level 2 4 6 8 and 10 he’d add a d6 to his attacks
>Every level he’d get to roll 1d10 for additional health
>At level 5 he’d get to become a Rock Drake or Fire Drake
>Difference being that Rock Drakes could scale cliffs and had semi-working wings
>Baically could glide
>Fire Drake could spit flames
>My trunk got hard just thinking about it
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)02:37:56 No.855804241
>>855804169
>Pass a few players on the way back
>Awestruck at Dwarfdick and Josh
>Turned out
>Mountain Drakes were one of the harder melee orientated beasts on the map
>Made sense though
>We took a fucking beating killing just one
>Usually were in packs of 3-4 with an Alpha Mountain Drake
>Yeah
>Fuck that
>Go into the mountainpass
>Head east into Bronze Valley
>Don’t get far before we start noticing Dwarf Rangers watching us
>1814wetookalittletrip.png
>Happen upon a small village
>Surrounded by dwarves
>Fuck
>Villagers scramble at the sight of Dwarfdick atop Josh
>What we presume to be their leader approaches and speaks
>Not a clue what he said
>”Dwarfdick, what’d he say?”
>”Oh just because I’m a dwarf I know every fucking dwarven dialect?”
>Pause
>”He asked what we want.”
>Dwarfdick translates for us for awhile trying to convince them we’re friendly
>They dislike the fact that he’s riding the Drake
>Luck is on our side
>The Dwarf Bard party runs into us while leaving the valley
>”Ay dwarf hillbillies, these guys are our friends.”
>For some odd reason
>Not only do they love the bards
>But they all start singing a song about fucking elf sluts and killing elf cucks
>Went like this
>”Long ear maiden came to me mountain for a dwarfdick, but only a bit”
>”So I laden her with my stick till she thought no more could fit”
>”Her lover came a-runnin, grabbed me and tried to smother”
>”She-a started whining, for free I ran him through like butter”
>Probably sounds better in whatever hillbilly language the Dwarves spoke
>Hillbillies let us pass and we continue into the village
>Find the elder and talk to him
>He buys the hide for 65 gold and offers to buy 2 of the eggs for 100 each
>The village didn’t have enough money for all 5
>After some consideration we decided to give them all 5 for 200
>Sounded retarded
>But we’d want good relations with the Hillbillies
>It worked
>They called Dwarfdick “Honored Drake Rider”
>Time to go
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)02:56:01 No.855805185
>>855804241
>Leave Bronze Valley
>This don’t look good
>Dwarf Bards are arguing with a group of six Elf Rangers
>”Maybe you can fucking clean your pointy ears with that pussywillow bow of yours, because obviously you don’t hear me when I say FUCK OFF you deer cock loving faggot.”
>”Well if you could make a SHORTER insult, I might be obliged.”
>”Oh really? I could oblige my foot by cleaning it off in your ass, but then again, a stiff piece in your arse is what you elf men like, aint it?”
>Shit is getting hot
>We roll up and stand behind the dwarves
>Elves stop talking shit
>Dwarfdick wants the smoke
>”Gone all quiet now that you can’t gang up on my bros? Maybe you could take this moment of silence and use those fucking ears of corn on your head to echolocate a path out of our FUCKING WAY!”
>everyone laughs
>Elves are seething
>Grognak the Crucifier is typing…
>Everyone is freaking out laughing
>”What’d I fucking tell you fuckers about blocking the road?”
>To get to different areas you have to travel through conjoining areas
>The Mount Pass was conjoined with the Bronze Valley Entrance and the Valley of the Damned Entrance
>These guys couldn’t have picked a worse place to fuck with people
>Grognak comes striding past us with his HobGoblins on his heels
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)02:57:46 No.855805284
>>855805185
>”Like really, at the end of the day, what’d you think was gonna happen.”
>Elves are silent
>”I should fucking string you two up, and feed this one to my dogs, and take these three back to breed. I really can’t figure out WHAT your issue is.”
>Grognak had been waiting to catch some elves fucking around
>They had been doing bandit shit and attacking his merchants on the road
>One of the elves starts typing and Grognak activates his lightning fast typing powers
>Slaps the shit out of the elf typing
>”Don’t even fucking say anything, none of you.”
>”The ONLY reason I won’t kill you where you stand and rape your women is because blood hasn’t been drawn.”
>”Just think about this, you can rob my caravans and deny doing it all you want. The second one of my merchant’s gets killed I’m gonna FUCK every elf I see.”
>”Guess what, because of the shit you’re pulling. These guys,”
>Gestured to us
>”Aren’t just gonna keep quiet, they’ll probably help me.
>Do you know how many elves that Elephant has raped?
>Take a fucking guess you flat chested sluts, take a WILD guess because you keep fucking around and I’ll make you wish you stayed in the forest sucking wolf cock.”
>Waits for a second
>”Alright, now go. Tell your mistress what I said, and keep this shit in mind the next time you want to steal CHEESE AND BREAD from my merchants.”
>Maybe this elf hate seems a little crazy
>But Grognak had spent months IRL trying to make honest money and stimulate trade in Ruin
>He had dumped all his gold into starting caravans, hiring merchants, and buying overpriced goods to make a miniscule profit
>And because “muh slavery bad, minotaur man bad” the elves had been raiding all his shit
>Of course, because they’d yet to kill a merchant they hadn’t breached their Good alignments
>Grognak was pissed off
>Elves leave without a word
>We thank Grognak for the help
>”You’re welcome, now give me 50 gold.”
>wot.jpg
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)02:58:38 No.855805332
>>855805284
>”If you don’t have 50 gold, give me something. I’m going broke because of those faggots. I can barely keep Ruin fed and watered, let alone reinvest anything. Pay me something, for my protection.”
>Feel bad
>We have plenty and so do the dwarves, agree to give 75 from each party for “Premium Protection”
>Grognak goes back to his domain
>Tells us to stay on the roads and keep an eye out for Elves, they were crawling all over the place
>Grognak seemed a little jumpy
>We’d find out why later
>Take Grognak’s advice and stick with the dwarf bros on the way back to the main city
>For reference
>The main city was in the green or safe area
>There were still hostile creatures and fighting quests
>But it was toned down for lower level players
>The mountains and the surrounding regions was the medium/yellow area
>North of the mountains was considered the Hard Zone
>Maybe you think we’d get our ass kicked up north
>Not really
>The further you went up the harder quests and hostiles got
>But there were also fewer quests and hostile mobs
>The worst thing in the yellow area were the Mountain Drakes
>Usually you could find them in packs of 3-4 yeah
>But you’d only find ONE pack of 3-4 and getting away was easy
>The hardest hostile on the map was the Ancient Resurrected Black Sea Dragon Lich
>There was only ONE of those
>To fight him you’d have to go to his lair, he never randomly attacked players
>A group of 20 tried, a group of 20 died
>My point in relaying this is that while you could get attacked in the greenzone it’s a relatively easy fight
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)03:01:19 No.855805467
>>855805332
>Unless you’re a low level guy there’s no reason to grind there
>Even then you’d have an easier time racking up exp by hanging around the mountains
>If the elves were patrolling in the green zone all day everyday
>They were looking for something, or as we thought, someone
>Us
>Turned out we were wrong
>They’re weren’t after us
>We were just a bonus
>When we got to the city we split from the dwarves and went straight to gardner
>Suffice to say, we had some questions
>After receiving payment, receiving XP for the quest (which we all gave to Josh so he could level up to level 2) and Robocock equipping his new Battle Gauntlets of Battering
>We took the Gardner out behind a shed for some “questioning”
>Robocock tried out his new gear and we found out that Gardner here had been trying to concoct a poison to kill all the wild Mountain Drakes
>Because after we completed this quest
>Ole Dickhead was gonna start offering quests to go put out bowls of this poison near Mountain Drake nests
>We weren’t good guys
>I for a fact detested the word “good” and “evil”
>But I’d say that what we did was more justified than anything Superman ever did
>The whole affair with Josh’s mother and the way dwarves feel about Mountain Drakes gave us a new perspective
>A violent perspective
>The four of us beat him to death and rolled him up in a carpet and put him on the back of Josh
Have to drive for a bit, need bumps to keep thread alive
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)03:32:42 No.855806898
>>855806602
Back in the game bitches
>Thankfully he had been at the very edge of the city so it was easy to sneak out without anyone knowing what was going on
>We got about five miles into the forest when the Gardner started wiggling around
>Turned out that we hadn’t killed him
>Dwarfdick decided to pull a Joe Pesci and give the Gardner the Goodfellas treatment
>Robocock picks him up and throws him on the ground
>Unrolls the guy
>Dwarfdick walks up
>”He’s still alive, fucking piece of shit.”
>Proceeds to pull out his butcher knife, bc dwarf shit idk, and start stabbing the dude in the chest
>I’d rather not go into what was said or done
>Pretty gruesome to the point the DM deleted most of it
>When Dwarfdick was done he motioned for Lizardlicker
>At which time Lizardlicker strolled forward and put an arrow through the Gardner’s eyesocket
>Brutal
>Instead of taking him out further and spreading blood for elf fags to find
>We buried him where we killed him
>It didn’t matter if we were good or not
>Perspective can make you good or not
>All that mattered was that we were right and he wasn’t
>Maybe he wasn’t a bad guy
>Maybe he was justified
>None of us really cared
>Didn’t really matter, he was dead.
>I know it’s edgy, but it was a major turning point for us
>Forgot to mention this
>Gardner was an Elf
gif related
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)03:33:40 No.855806950
>>855806898
>After making our way back we hit the Tavern
>Everybody cheers as we enter
>Almost shit a brick when Josh follows us up from behind
>After hearing Gardner’s shit we don’t trust the elves not to try something
>Strangely enough
>No one is drinking except NPCs
>Dwarf bros finished their quest and came here to look for work too
>Ask them what’s up
>”Elves have been looking for paths, caves, and alternate routes into the Valley of the Damned.”
>Oh shit
>Spot an elf in the crowd
>Somehow he isn’t getting harassed/beat up
>Ask Dwarfbro leader, who is named Quark, who that elf is
>”His name is Farnear, he’s the one who warned us about the elves looking for shit.”
>Remember Farnear?
>Killed a few other elves for being gay
>Honorary dwarf
>Introduce ourselves to him
>Has a thick Italian accent
>”Ah yes, I’ve heard about you guys. Also heard that you may have had a run in with some elves in the mountain pass?”
>He already knew all our names
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)03:35:07 No.855807016
>>855806950
>Farnear was a big Assassin’s Creed fan
>Specifically every game with Ezio in it
>His discord pfp was Brotherhood Ezio, his steam pfp was Revelations Ezio, and his character picture was SOMEHOW Ezio with elf ears
>He started the game thinking he’d have fun being an ultra chad assassin/spy
>Turned out that the people he met just wanted to suck him off
>Mostly other elves
>Out of spite he started working against them and turned his alignment from Chaotic Good to Lawful Evil
>Unlike elves he not only got along with the “bad guys” but was seen as one of the ring leaders
>He had accrued about a dozen other elves and formed a group
>Surprise surprise
>It was called the Assassin’s Guild
>”The elves and their cadres are looking for another way into the valley, this is very bad for us.”
>Farnear goes on to explain that Grognak can’t leave the valley now
>Because if they find an alternate way in he won’t be able to stop them from flooding in and attacking Ruin
>If they find a way in he needs to be there to stop them
>That also means that Grognak can’t make any money or stop the elves from raiding his caravans
>Effectively besieging Ruin and the Valley of the Damned without stepping foot in it yet
>You’d think the Elves could overpower Grognak but ever since he started pillaging and conquering in the valley
>They’ve kept their distance
>Attacking it head on through the Mountain Pass was suicide because everyone could surround them and pick them off while Grognak just held the line
>This hadn’t started because of our barfight mind you
>While reading through a lot of OOC chat we found out that the Elves and Grognak had been in a cold war for a long time
>He was the “big bad” that they rallied together against
>Over time he grew a following among other players while his enemies also grew
>Neither side finding a real advantage
>Until now
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)03:35:59 No.855807063
>>855807016
>”They know that I know about their search, but they DON'T know that everyone here also knows. I’d recommend doing business as usual, find a quest and make some money.”
>Play it cool and wait for something to happen
>Literally setting up for a war in here though
>Anyone not taking quests and leaving were looking at maps and trying to find out WHERE the other route could be
>Leave tavern and start searching for quests
>We spend a few days doing basic quests and buying up better gear for ourselves
>Eventually decide to get some custom armor for Josh
>We had been diverting all the XP rewards from quests to him and he reached level 4
>Buy a horse and a wagon for us
>You get double the speed when on the roads like this
>Escort Grognak’s caravans three times
>And all three times the Elf Ranger party had been in the area the caravan had to pass through
>Grognak was thankful for the help and offered to pay back the 75 gold we gave him
>We told him to keep it
>”Put it in the warfund.”
>Return to town and find the best fucking quest on the planet
>A party of Grung and the Triton came to town
>Now they needed someone to escort them back
>Elves were HOT on the case
>But some guys from the tavern distracted them long enough for us to get the quest and leave town
>Once we’re out of town we start socializing with the Grung party
>4 Grungs and the Triton
>Triton is named Zerb
>All around cool dude
>Keep an eye out for the Grung whenever they stop
>Every so often they’ll see something cool and stop to investigate it
>To them this is like Lewis and Clarke’s expedition
>No Grung had gone so far onto mainland before
>One of them hopped onto Robocock to get a better view at a gnat swarm
>”I think that’s lunch.”
>Stop halfway up the road to the mountain pass so the Grungs can have lunch
>Elves pass us
>They ALL roll perception checks on us and the Grungs
>Start getting ready to fight when they move on
>We get back on the road and talk to Zerb
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)03:37:34 No.855807136
>>855807063
>”So I hear the Elves are doing more crazy shit.”
>Dwarfdick fills him in on everything that’s happened
>Wouldn’t ya know, Zerb and the Grungs don’t really like elves
>Elves always try to come to their island and try to “enlighten the savages”
>Always get turned away because no outsiders are allowed unless invited
>Somehow don’t realize with all their knowledge that the Grung live that way on purpose
>The elf location was just north of the lake where the Grungs lived
>So the Grungs and Zerb had to deal with elf fuckery constantly
>Whenever Zerb would save an elf from “accidentally” drowning
>They’d try to seduce him
>The hate for horny elves was growing by the day
>Enter the mountain pass and it’s eerily quiet
>No sign of the elves or anyone else for that matter
>Look around and see one of the HobGoblin Assassins watching the road
>Grognak must really be on high alert
>The rest of the trip is uneventful
>The only thing we ran into was a bugbear
>And we kicked his big ugly ass in an instant
>Once we arrived at the Lake of Grung we realized just how fucking huge their island was
>The lake itself was humongous
>The island was the size of Puerto Rico
>The Grung people mostly inhabited the coast of the island but were constantly expanding inland to find more resources like coal and iron
>When we were about leave them to go home
>They invited us to visit the island
>Didn’t have to ask us twice
>We all hopped onto their boat and started rowing over
>Took the better part of an hour
>Robocock was mad that I wouldn’t row
>What can I say, I’m an old elephant.
>Haven’t seen any elephant sluts in a while
>Trunk gets stiff when I see my reflection in the water
>Mermaid sluts starts swimming along side the boat
>They’re all naked
>Fuck
>I need to get laid
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)03:39:24 No.855807223
Nice story anon. Those weird group rp things always manage to make the weirdest shit happen
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)04:15:49 No.855808911
>>855807136
Back to it
>Arrive at Grung Island
>It’s absolutely beautiful
>There’s no wood buildings at all
>Everything is made from brick and stone
>Because they live on an island they have an abundance of shells
>From which they made lime mortar
>There were little huts for the poorer Grungs but most of the Grung lived in stone houses
>Shit was dope as fuck
>Each settlement was centered around a cylindrical stone building surrounded by a moat where all the babies were kept
>So if something were to happen, they’d still be safe
>The tallest buildings were only about a story high
>Each settlement was run by a council of wise elders, making their government tribal in a sense
>So to summarize
>The Grungs were a tribalistic society
>With iron age tools
>And High Roman building aesthetic
>To be honest, it didn’t make much sense to me
>But that’s all apart of it sometimes, you aren’t alway supposed to get it
>Didn’t matter to us though, we just came to hang out with the frog niggas
>Spend a night dancing around fires
>Telling stories
>And letting a mermaid jerk me off
>Don’t judge me
>In the morning when we went to leave
>Zerb stopped me and asked about my trident
>”Where’d you find that trident, it looks powerful.”
>”Some goblins had it, it aint really all that good.”
>Give it to him and he does a lore check
>Turns out that it doesn’t suck
>I just fucking suck at using it
>It’s called the Trident of the Drowned and it's one of the rarer magic weapons you can find
>Funnily enough, it's mostly useful to races that spend a lot of time in water
>Say fuck it
>”You can have it for showing us your hospitality.”
>Zerb bro hugs me and takes us to the boat
>Rows back over to the mainland and we start getting all our shit together
>Zerb starts going back with the Grungs that came with him when our luck ran out
>Random Elf Faggot is typing…
>It was an ambush
>Fuck
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)04:16:22 No.855808930
>>855808911
>Arrows start flying all around us
>Everybody ducks for cover
>Look back and see that Zerb and the Grungs wont get hurt by the elf fags
>That’s the only good thing we got going for us
>Start returning fire with spells while Lizardlicker and Dwarfdick shoot their bows at the attackers
>Our fucking luck
>Its the elf ranger party
>Robocock throws a rock and hits one in the eye
>We all laugh
>Dwarfdick catches an arrow in the ass
>We all laugh
>Exchange fire for awhile before they start moving in on us
>Obviously they have us out gunned and are higher level than us
>Fire ice knife at one and miss
>Take an arrow to the shoulder
>Barely hurts bc elves are weak
>But they’re here for blood
>As soon as they draw swords and start approaching us we hear an EAR splitting scream
>Had to stick my trunk in one ear to stop the pain
>When it stops I look up to see a trident in the chest of the closest elf
>Did enough damage to kill the fucker in one hit
>Zerb was in the fight
>Behind him were the Grungs, bows strung and ready
>Closest I could compare them to were Apache warriors
>While Zerb was fighting up close
>The Grungs were circling the entire group
>Screaming out ear bleeding battle cries, which was a race ability
>And shooting their small bows at the elves
>Time to kick some ass
>We all jump out of our hiding places and rush the ranger fags
>By ourselves we might have had an issue, but outnumbered and outflanked the elves were mincemeat
>When the fighting is done four of the six are dead
>One of the Grung got killed too
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)04:17:02 No.855808965
>>855808930
>In player combat you didn’t have the chance for saving throws unless an ally was right there beside you
>If you got knocked down to 0 HP, you were either dead or in serious condition
>Depending on whether the enemy was trying to kill or not
>Both sides chose the lethal option so it was death or surrender
>Once the last two saw their situation they threw down their weapons and were at our mercy
>The Grungs mourned their dead friend while Zerb and us interrogated the two survivors
>One was female and one was male
>After Robocock did some questioning they both admitted that they’d been ordered to kill us for helping Grognak
>Not only were they supposed to kill us, but they were supposed to make it look like the Grungs did it
>”we’re the good guys” my ass
>Can’t decide whether we should kill them or let them go
>We bed down for the night since it was late
>Tell the elves we’ll decide on what to do in the morning
>In retrospect, we should have slit their throats
>Once we woke up
>Both were gone
>Escaped in the night while we slept
>Big fucking mistake
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)04:19:22 No.855809069
>>855808965
>Decide on a plan of action immediately
>Zerb and the Grungs head back to Grung Island
>Prepare for whatever the Elves are gonna try to do now that blood has been spilled
>We’ll head south and try to catch the little faggots or bring help back north to protect the Grungs
>It wasn’t their fault and we didn’t want them to get dragged into a war
>This was like the Shire getting invaded by Sauron and no one was gonna let that happen
>Haul ass south in our cart
>Dwarfdick rides ahead to see if he can catch them on Josh
>For a few miles we can’t find their trail but eventually we find some of their shit on the mainroad
>We were just north of the Mountains when we figured that they had us beat by atleast two hours
>I prayed to Yog for Grognak to have caught the elf faggots and held them there long enough
>We weren’t so fortunate
>Walked into the mountain pass and found Grognak, the HobGoblins, Farnear, and and six lightly armored Elf assassins
>They were all watching as Grognak erected a crucifix
>On the crucifix was one of our friends, the male ranger
>”Elves attacked my caravan, killed the merchants, and killed the party trying to guard it. They were young adventurers (level one party) they weren’t even involved.”
>New players made a party and picked up Grognak’s custom quest
>Party got slaughtered by elves and rage quit the server
>”This means war.”
>”Grognak there was another elf with this guy, where’d she go.”
>Grognak looked to Farnear
>”She got away, my men couldn’t catch her before she rendezvoused with another group. Grognak’s men caught this one, we know what happened.”
>Fuck
>”We need to head south and get help. The elves will attack the Grungs for helping us.”
>Talk about a plan of engagement
>Fighting elf parties 1 on 1 was suicide
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)04:20:35 No.855809115
>>855809069
>Most had minmax characters and outnumbered us
>The only way to decisively win was to force them into an unfavorable battle
>Grognak started giving orders
>”Head south and put a quest up at the Tavern. All abled body adventurers, soldiers, and magic users are summoned to the defense of Grung island from the elves.”
>”Tell every person you come across that the city of Ruin has declared a war of retribution on the followers of Mylaela.”
>Confused
>”Who is that?”
>Farnear speaks up
>”She’s the defacto leader of the Viar Forest City, the city of the elves.
>She spends most of her time in an orgy but she’s also the one who sent the rangers to kill you and other elves to raid the caravans.”
>Grognak huffs
>”She’s a real bitch.”
>Grognak goes back to Ruin while we go with Farnear and his men back to the main city
>Arrive and holy shit
>There are so many fucking players
>Stop just inside while Farnear goes and fetches the rest of his men
>Elves are eying us up and down nonstop
>Either they suspect something is gonna go down
>Or they know that we killed some of their fuckbuddies
>Either way, that want our heads on a spike
>Farnear returns with all his guild members
>In all 16 NPCs and 2 players
>All of which are elf rogues
>Pretty bad ass walking down the street with nearly 20 assassin creed style elves
>Arrive at the tavern
>Overflowing
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)04:22:16 No.855809179
>>855809115
>Everyone heard about the death of the caravan guards and the merchants
>Now people are hearing rumors about us killing the Elf Ranger party
>They think we did it out of revenge for the caravan
>All the players are rallying here at the maintown to find out what Grognak is gonna do
>Both his enemies and allies were biting at their nails
>And we brought the news
>Go into the bar and all went quiet
>Dwarfdick stands up on the back of Josh, at which point he’s nearly touching the ceiling
>Dwarf Bards have incorporated all the other dwarf players and recruitable pcs into one big party
>They cheer when he stands up
>Dwarfdick gives them a look and they go quiet
>”Two days ago, my party was ambushed by elves. The Grung rallied to our defense and one among them was murdered by our attackers.
>Hereafter, unknown elf assailants attacked a caravan headed to the city of Ruin, and killed all those a part of it.
>Grognak the Crucifier, makes this request.”
>”Ahem”
>”All abled body adventurers, soldiers, and magic users are henceforth summoned to the defense of Grung Island from the anticipated and eventual elven incursion.”
>A few mumbles in the crowd, some are confused because they only recently heard rumors about the Grung incident
>”Furthermore, Grognak, Honored Lord and Master of the city of Ruin, has declared WAR on the followers of Mylaela.”
>Silence
>Not a fucking mouse fart could be heard
>Then a roar from the crowd
>”WAR!!!”
Gonna go back to writing so I'll need bumps
I'll try to finish up by posting in clumps instead of one tid bit at a time. Be patient with me.
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)04:27:32 No.855809389
>>855807672
I know, i frequent /tg/ too. And I have a few educated guesses why op didn't post the story there. But those 200 people group rpg abominations somehow destill the worst of the worst.
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)05:10:45 No.855811096
>>855809179
Back to it
>The entire Tavern went into frenzy
>The dwarves were stomping their feet and pounding on tables
>screaming “WAR WAR WAR!”
>Farnear jumps on the bar and screamed out
>”HEROES ARISE! ANSWER THE CALL AND FOLLOW US, TO WAR!”
>Everyone draws swords, axes, and spears
>A rhythmic chant began “WAR WAR WAR”
>Everyone burst out of the tavern
>From lowly leveled parties to battle hardened veterans of a dozen battles
>The elves were shitting all over themselves when hundreds of players and NPCs began marching through the city
>We were about to leave when Farnear pulled my party aside
>”You guys need to come with me, we found out where the path into the Valley of the Damned is.”
>”Do the elves know?”
>”Not yet, we have to go through it then collapse it.”
>”Collapse it?”
>”Its an Ancient Dwarven tunnel system, we need to destroy it or Grognak will be forced to abstain in the fights.”
>If Grognak didn’t come to our aid, then we’d all be killed
>Fuck
>While the elves were distracted with the war party marching north
>We went west
>Deep in the foothills under the mountains we found a secret entrance
>Shit was dark as fuck
>Get inside and ask Farnear where to go
>”I don’t know, I just know it’s here.”
>Everybody looks at Dwarfdick
>”Oh just because I’m a dwarf I know how to navigate EVERY fucking dwarf tunnel?”
>After a minute he just shakes his head
>”We take a left up ahead.”
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)05:11:46 No.855811132
>>855811096
>Start navigating through the tunnels
>Feel like marines in Vietnam
>Soon enough we’d get the full vietcong treatment
>We hit a few lefts and start lighting torches
>Although Dwarfdick can see perfectly find most of us cant
>Every so often we stop to make sure that no one is following us
>After a while we stop to get our bearings
>”Wait a second, did we make a wrong turn?”
>Everyone stops and turns to Robocock
>”ROBOCOCK, BEHIND YOU!”
>Assassins start shooting into the darkness and we hear the arrows hit flesh
>Fuck
>”Orcs!”
>What was once a silent tunnel system was now a fucking ear rape of orc screams
>”Follow Dwarfdick, no wrong turns!”
>Dwarfdick and Josh are galloping through the tunnels with us in hot pursuit
>Fuck my trunk is heavy
>I meant my cock, not my trunk
>Eventually see a big staircase that leads up to another path
>”There is our way out! From there on it should be a straight path! Dwarf tunnels are based on a single tunnel and repeat, we’re almost out!”
>Start sprinting up the steps like no tomorrow
>Fail agility roll
>Trip on my cloak and go tumbling down the steps
>By the time I get ahold of myself I’m being rushed by dozens of orcs
>I won’t even have enough time to cast a spell
>Death is near and I wouldn’t be able to get away
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)05:26:44 No.855811755
I’m loving this. Bump.
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)05:34:11 No.855812025
>>855810819
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)05:34:32 No.855812037
Bump
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)05:50:31 No.855812484
>>855811132
Warning. Sadness.
>My party look back in horror and start coming down the steps
>Shooting arrows into the crowd trying to slow them down but its hopeless
>”Elephantnigga!!!”
>Dwarfdick, without hesitation
>Leaps off of Josh and twenty feet down into the crowd of Orcs surging towards me
>”RAGH! Have at thee!”
>I didn’t have enough time to get to my feet when Farnear snatched me and started pulling me up the steps
>Behind me the Orcs had rushed forward to cut Dwarfdick off
>Josh looked on and roared as he jumped into the fray alongside Dwarfdick
>Ripping and tearing at any Orc that got close
>”Go, GO! Follow the tunnel out! Go!”
>There’s nothing that could be done
>Farnear’s men drag us away kicking and screaming
>All we hear is the clash of steel and shrieks of Orcs
>Once we’re out of the first tunnel Farnear grabs me
>”Collapse the tunnel behind us!”
>”What the fuck are you talking about we have to go back!”
>”We can’t go back elephantnigga, he’s already dead! If we go we’d die too! If we don’t collapse this tunnel then it’d all be for nothing!”
>Long silence
>Cast Erupting Earth
>The tunnel entrance comes tumbling down, entombing our friend
>”Now, when we got though this tunnel you need to collapse it behind us too.”
>wot
>”This tunnel will take us north of the mountains, from there we will head to Grung Island.”
>”But what do you mean collapse it behind you, what if there are more orcs in there?”
>Another long silence
>”There aren’t any orcs in the northern tunnel, my men scouted them a week ago.”
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)05:52:11 No.855812537
>>855812484
>We’re all visibly pissed off
>”Why the fuck didn’t you tell us?!”
>Another long fucking silence
>”We don’t have the time to slow down, I knew if I told you you’d all want to sneak through. We need to move, now.”
>Robocock knocks the fuck out of Farnear
>”Elf faggot fuck, if we knew about the Orcs, Dwarfdick wouldn’t be dead.”
>Farnear nods
>”And if we don’t move on we’ll all be dead. Yag-Kosha, I need you to go to Ruin from here, tell Grognak that the tunnels into the valley have been collapsed.
>Tell him to assemble his forces and march north.”
>I solemnly nod and watch my friends enter the north tunnel
>Once I can’t see them anymore I cast Erupting Earth
>Like I sealed Dwarfdick’s fate I did the same for the rest of my friends
>Good or bad
>No one was coming for them
>I turned to the East and looked out onto the Valley of the Damned
>The desert landscape was marked with a few oases and trees
>In the far distance I could see what I looked like the walls of a city
>I was all alone now
>Safer than I’d been in the last weeks, but all alone
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)05:52:54 No.855812554
>>855812537
>Considering most of the valley had been been cleared out of inhabitants by Grognak
>I didn’t worry about running into anything
>After my near death experience I started thinking shit through
>Was this war gonna really be worth it?
>Thoughts
>Of fucking course it was, these Elf faggots have been starting shit nonstop
>If there’s one exception I’ll make
>It’s to fucking an elf slut
>When I get my hands on her I’m gonna fuck that bitch Mylaela
>Didn’t take too long to get to Ruin
>Impressively the roads had been remade so the trip was twice as fast compared to usual treks of that distance
>When I arrived I found that Ruin was actually quite nice
>Adobe houses dotted the landscape and a few peasants toiled in their gardens
>But in all reality that wasn’t what interested me
>What interested me were the fucking HUNDREDS OF GOBLINS SWARMING THE CITY
>Initially I thought some sort of invasion had happened
>Then I spotted one of Grognak’s Hobgoblins directing goblins into an armory to collect gear and supplies
>”Yo, Hobgoblin, what the fuck is going on?”
>He disregarded me at first, thinking I was a stupid peasnt
>A few seconds later it clicked and he rushed me over to Grognak
>”My lord, Elephantnigga has arrived!”
>Grognak was standing in the basement of the largest building
>At the head of a table where his other two Hobgoblins were going over a map of the country
>Several Goblins in heavy armor were also at the table listening
>I’m guessing these were his NPC officers
>”Elephantnigga welcome, seems that my secret is out. The army of Ruin is being mobilized.”
>He stood up and came to me
>Unlike most of the time where he was wearing light armor
>He had magical plate armor equipped
>On his back was a huge battle axe called Dragonspine Axe of Fallen Peak
>The most powerful crafted weapon on the map
>With a 4d8 damage per hit
>”Grognak, we found the tunnel.”
>”Fuck.”
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)05:54:24 No.855812603
>>855812554
1 off
>I tell him about the loss of Dwarfdick
>After that I tell him that I collapsed both the northern and southern tunnels
>”I’m sorry for your loss friend, Dwarfdick was a good man. Had I known about the tunnel I’d have cleared it out of Orc scum.”
>”Farnear didn’t tell you about it?”
>”No, he rarely tells me things. I know it sucks, but it's best that way.
>One man keeping a secret is like one man marrying a woman, sharing either will make your life a living hell.”
>Tell him that Farnear wants the army of Ruin to march north and meet with the rest of the Anti-Elf forces
>”Yes yes, I will do that. Darb,” he motions to his Hobgoblins
>”Get the troops in formation, we will march north. One of you will stay here with a small garrison.
>”Elephantnigga, will you join me? I must say goodbye to my sons.”
>suremynigga.jpg
>”Wait, are all those guys named Darb?”
>”Yeah they’re triplets to a very uncreative mother.”
>Grognak brings me further into the basement and into a huge living area
>In the living area are eight or so minotaur children between the ages of 0-2
>Also in the room are a bunch of pregnant women
>God damn this nigga gets pussy
>Says goodbye to them and kisses all his wives
>”Maybe I return, maybe my sons grow up to hate elves more than I do, who knows?”
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)05:55:11 No.855812631
>>855812603
>Return upstairs and I follow Grognak onto his balcony
>Below us
>Nearly two hundred and fifty goblins
>They were weak, insignificant, and easily dealt with.
>In small doses
>”A new power is rising! Its victory is at hand!
>This night, the land will be stained with blood of Elves!
>March north with me, leave NONE alive!
>TO WAR!!!”
>The entire army starts marching
>We get up to the front and lead them out of the Valley
>When we get into the Mountain Pass area we stumble upon four slow elves
>Got left behind by the main group that must have already head north by now
>They plead for mercy and Grognak looks to me
>Shake my head
>”Looks like meat’s back on the menu boys!”
>Fucking slaughter the shit out of them before they even get a chance to roll for anything
>Not a chance to run before they get torn limb from limb
>Goblins like elf meat
>”No prisoners! No mercy!”
>God I fucking love Grognak
>I see why he gets so much pussy
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)05:57:08 No.855812696
>>855812631
>The march north is a fucking breeze
>The elves and their allies already headed to Mylaela’s city to gather together and prepare for a mass assault
>They knew we were grouping up together near Grung Island
>Sadly they’d eventually find out about Grognak’s army too
>The force was too large to travel so far without notice
>Still, they’d have to completely change their gameplan to face off against us like this
>It takes two days to reach the camp and by the time we get there our allies have already set up tents, makeshift defenses, and patrols
>The army had assembled and 80 or so players had rallied together with another 150 or so NPC companions
>With Grognak’s army that number spiked up to nearly 500 troops
>That wasn’t including whatever forces the Grungs planned on contributing to the fight, along with the Dwarves
>When we met back up with Farnear, Robocock, and Lizardlicker
>They told us the dwarves had headed south through the forest to the Bronze valley
>They thought they could rally up more dwarf forces
>Of course we were gonna take everything we could get
>Even with the force we had, the Elves and their allies could still over power us and probably had us out numbered
>Most if not ALL the players on the server had picked a side
>And during the rising of tensions more players started coming back to the RP
>The regular pop had been at about 200 before
>Now it was up to 300
>The Elves had us outnumbered when it came to players
>And players were usually more powerful than most NPCs
>But with more numbers came more options for us
>Little did we know, anxiety would be our biggest enemy
>Because all that was between us and the enemy was time
>A lot of fucking time
This is all I got so far, I'll type as fast as I can and post as I finish it. I WILL finish it tonight, keep the thread alive.
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)06:08:27 No.855813110
>A week IRL passes
>A few months in game
>Every day is pretty intense
>Scouts from the elf horde prod our defenses
>Our spies continue to uncover more info about the enemy
>They’ve rallied a lot more NPCs to their cause and day by day they grow closer
>Farnear sends out spies every day to fuck with them and keep them on edge like we are
>If we’re 2 inches from snapping we want them 1 inch from snapping
>There is bad news though
>The dwarves haven’t returned at all
>Farnear’s scouts haven’t found any trace of them
>The only thing we can guess is that they were either ambushed
>Then captured or killed
>Or for some odd reason, hadn’t left the Bronze Valley yet
>There was no reason for them to stay there
>And even then they wouldn’t have waited this long
>All they knew, the battle had already happened and we’d been victorious
>Or killed
>The GM and server creator had sunk huge amounts of time into finding a way to workout the battle
>Good for us that the creator was bias towards the Grungs, he told us a day early how it’d play out
>The battlefield would take place over 5 server chats
>Left flank | Left | Center | Right | Right Flank |
>As to prevent the players and NPCs from fighting in all one group, they had to split it up
>Also, it left room for us to make decisive strategies
>We stayed up day and night planning the battle to come
>When Mylaela’s group got the battle info, the OOC chat went quiet
>Other than occasional insult from one side to the other
>There was nothing
>Cold war was about to get real fucking hot.
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)06:29:17 No.855813790
>>855813110
>In the night
>Like 2 o clock in the morning IRL
>Horns start sounding off in the distance
>Entire army starts freaking out thinking its a sneak attack
>The players that are awake all get online and get ready for battle
>Farnear runs past me and says
>”That’s no cuck horn.”
>From the walls of our camp we spot a group of elves, humans, and various other races
>All of them were standing together in the open under a white flag
>Grognak, Farnear, and my party go outside to talk to them
>Grognak takes the lead
>”Who are you, and what do you want?”
>The most stereotypical Tolkien elf steps forwards and bows his head.
>”My name is Gaiohldeen, and I come offering our allegiance to you, Lord Grognak of Ruin.”
>Remember Gaiohldeen?
>He was the other marginally cool elf that went inactive
>Came back when he heard about the battle
>Grognak waits a second before responding
>”Why do you wish to join us?”
>”The Elves of Viar Forest and fair races all over Halgea (That’s what the country was called) once promised to maintain peace among her peoples.
>Mylaela’s actions betray her words, and we have seen through her lies.
>We have come together and seek out to hold true to our promise.”
>Suffice to say
>Everyone was baffled
>The thought of defectors coming to our side hadn’t even been brought up
>Grognak looked over to Farnear for his opinion
>”Gaiohldeen is a man of honor, I know that his word is his will. As for his allies… I’d like to interrogate them thoroughly.”
>Gaiohldeen didn’t wait to respond
>”Do as you wish, we only ask that you be fair and just with us.”
>”Agreed.”
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)06:39:20 No.855814114
>>855813790
>As the elf horde approached we laid out the battle plan
>We would balance the left/flank and right/flank out as best we could with NPCs and a few player officers
>The Grungs and Farnear’s Assassins would be held in reserve
>Meanwhile we would focus the bulk of our player forces in the center
>Spies informed us that Mylaela’s army planned on putting large amounts of their troops on by the Left and Right flanks
>Apparently these retards never learned from Hannibal
>NEVER try to break the flanks of a similar force
>Because then you open yourself up to what some might call
>The Napoleon special
>Divide the army, and break one piece at a time
>The enemy center was our goal
>No other battle plan panned out well for us
>Like all that time ago in the Tavern
>The enemy had far more magic users than we did
>If we let them bog us down in a prolonged battle then we’d suffer casualties out the ass
>From what info we gathered on the elf forces
>They had gather about 600 in all
>Not much of a numerical advantage over us but it was enough to make everyone nervous
>The battle was nigh as elf feet marched on Grung Island
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)07:02:37 No.855814791
not reading any of this gay shit OP, but 10/10 for effort
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)07:03:31 No.855814825
>>855814114
Warning. I think you might cry.
>Elf horns sounded off in the morning and the entire camp was roused
>Goblins and other NPCs were put into formation
>Grognak prepared the players troops and the elves were getting into formation
>Like we expected, they posted most of their players on the left and right flank
>To our dismay they had reinforced the center with a portion of their players
>We could still break it
>But it would take more time
>And in a battle time is worth more than gold or silver
>Before we could march out of the camp
>Another horn bellowed over the trees and hills
>Unlike the Elf horns that sounded like flutes and clarinets this horn sounded like an old Tuba
>Everyone stopped and looked for the source of it
>It wasn’t until we saw the elves point in the distance that we realized not WHO it was
>But WHAT it was
>You could barely see it’s top above the trees
>The closer it got, the louder the horn got
>Eventually the sound of its feet pounding against the dirt below was audible behind the ear splitting sound of the horn
>In fear of the new enemy
>The elves started pulling their forces back
>They retreated from the battlefield without a single drop of blood spilt
>The thing approached our camp and in awe we stood motionless
>Behind it came a hundred dwarves of all shapes and color
>The fact that it was a giant mechanical warrior didn’t matter
>The fact that it was over a hundred feet tall and could carry over 2 dozen soldiers didn’t matter either
>Even its magnificent battle prowess was dwarfed by the pure ecstasy that the crown jewel of this event gave us
>Atop the flat platform the Steam Giant had on its head
>Sat a dwarf
>This dwarf was mounted on a volcanic red Fire Drake
>And as he was like the crown atop the Steam Giant
>A crown of Bronze glittered beautifully on his brow
>Dwarfdick lived.
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)07:13:29 No.855815135
Bump
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)07:25:43 No.855815566
>>855814825
Fuck dude. I HAVE to go to bed now. Some based anon screencapping would be greatly appreciated. Heres a bump for you OP. God speed.
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)07:26:49 No.855815602
do you expect me to read all that
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)07:27:17 No.855815613
>>855814825
>The Steam Giant stopped in front of us and Dwarfdick dismounted the mechanical monstrosity
>When Josh’s feet touched the dirt
>The dwarves all fell to a knee and the dwarf that had previously led the Dwarf Bard party drew a sword
>”ALL HAIL, KING DWARFDICK!”
>”ALL HAIL, ALL HAIL, ALL HAIL”
>whatthefuck.gif
>After a moment they all rise to their feet and Dwarfdick prances over on Josh
>”Friends, long time no see!”
>No shit faggot
>”I forgive you for abandoning me to die in those tunnels. It is through my divine power I would do this, I am a generous king, afterall.”
>Oh shit faggot
>Dramatic pause
>”I’m just fucking with you dudes.”
>The dwarves bring the Steam Giant into the camp and get settled
>Dwarfdick, Josh, Grognak, Farnear, and my party all go into Grognak’s tent
>We wanted to know what the fuck happened
>Somehow, Dwarfdick had been able to kill all of the orcs
>HP had went down to zero
>Josh had been the one to finish the fight
>But after his fight he had been seriously injured
>The only thing he could do was to travel further into the tunnels and find something to help him
>He found something to help him heal
>But he also found the tomb to the ancient dwarven king of the Bronze Valley
>Not just that but he found the king’s secret armory where he found hundreds of ancient scrolls and templates for “royal” technology
>Afterwards He walked all the way around the mountains and back into the valley
>Once the dwarves of Bronze Valley saw the Bronze Crown
>Which was apparently a legendary symbol to them
>They named him King of Bronze Valley
>Unknown to Dwarfdick
>The Bronze Crown could only be worn by those who have proven their valour in battle, knew no fear of death, and were loved like a god
>The Bronze Crown hadn’t been strictly dwarven either, anyone could become king if the previous king was dead and the crown chose them to wear it
>Long story short Dwarfdick was a king through sheer chadness alone
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)07:36:10 No.855815930
TL;DR JESUS CHRIST LEARN HOW TO SUMMARIZE
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)07:41:02 No.855816115
>>855815613
>Once he got there he immediately got started on creating the Steam Giant of Bronze
>Not long after
>The dwarf players arrived and heard about the new King
>They were very curious
>And once they found out it was Dwarfdick
>All of them swore their allegiance and began helping him craft the Steam Giant
>After they got finished with it and conscripting troops they began marching through the forests north to join the war
>Here we are
>At the brink of war
>The first and last battle of the war would soon be upon us
>The plan hadn’t changed
>With the reinforcements from the dwarves we were able to strengthen the center further
>The Steam Giant would be held in reserve alongside the Grungs and Assassins
>We were almost sure the elves would have rethought their battle plan
>But no less than two hours later
>They marched forward again
>Their flanks heavy and our center head strong
>As they marched toward us
>Their knife eared elegant faces pressed forward
>We marched in formation
>And the battle that lasted TWO irl days
>Was about to start
>>855815930
I would think people appreciate the detailed build up. The very next post is the battle, it'll take a few posts tho. Unless you want me to cheese it
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)08:10:46 No.855817210
>>855816115
For the best immersion, listen to this
https://youtu.be/nL2kYfg1bHE
>The weakest NPCs were ordered to charge first into the enemy
>Wave after wave of weak goblins and other weak niggas battered away at the enemy’s defenses
>Our casualties were mounting but the plan was coming along well
>Within an hour the elf mages had used up a decent amount of their spells fending off our troops
>What we lacked in magic user we made up for in canon fodder
>Grognak looked over the battle field and signalled to his Hobgoblins
>At which time they began waving signal flags
>The order was given
>”Charge”
>Like clockwork I planned on casting my strongest spell before all the troops got in my way
>It was the only level 8 spell I had
>And I only had one shot
>Had to make it count
>As I began to cast the spell I began levitating over the troops rushing past me and towards the enemy
>My eyes glowed with a burning yellowish green light
>And my voice boomed over the battlefield like a megaphone
>”THE ERA OF MYTHOLOGY EVINCE THE TITANS FALL, AND THE FINAL MARCH OF THE GODS.
>LABYRINTH MYSTERIES TRAVEL IN CIRCLES THROUGH TIME, CARRYING SECRETS OF AN AGE LOST IN CENTURIES.
>BLEACHING MARBLE SHIMMERED, BLINDING THE PLUNDERS OF THOSE ONCE PROFANE.
>IMMORTALITY REGAINED, AS THE PHILOSOPHER’S CREED ECHOS THROUGH MILLENIA.
>AND THE WARRIOR’S PSYCHE ETERNALLY RESTS IN ELYSIUM.
>AT THE WALLS OF TROY, WAR CRIES RESOUND AS SPEARS AND SWORDS CLASH AGAINST SHIELDS.
>ARGONAUTS TREK THROUGH RED WIN SEAS TO EXPAND A PUISSANT HEGEMONY.
>WHERE NYMPHS STILL GUARD PROMETHEAN GNOSIS AND WHISPER THE ORPHIC ORACLES FOR THE OVERMAN’S NEW DAWN
>BEHOLD
>THE AGE OF HEROES
>AN EPOCH TO REMINISCE THAT THE OLD HEART BEATS WITH ANCIENT BLOOD
>YOG I COMMAND THEE
>SHOW
>NO
>MERCY!”
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)08:28:21 No.855817915
Bump with tits.
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)08:29:12 No.855817957
>>855817572
just doing my part to kill tranny threads
>A beam of sun blasted through dozens of troops
>Killing them instantly
>The wards the elf mages tried to throw down to stop me didn’t even slow down the attack
>Yog had blessed this battle field with his might
>For a single moment the battle had paused
>But that moment passed and the troops screamed out in ecstasy
>Surging forward
>They clashed head to head with the elves and their mislead allies
>Dwarves rang out battle cries for their king
>King Dwarfdick
>Whose Drake spew out torrents of flame that enveloped every elf faggot stupid enough to try their luck
>Others praised Grognak or foreign gods I didn’t know
>The unlucky few begged for help as their lives were snuffed out
>Grognak charged into the bulk of the fighting
>Swinging his axe and cutting through anyone who tried to face him one on one
>His troops surrounded him and made sure no one cracked him on the dome
>Enemy PCs in the center started pulling back
>Letting the NPCs tank the brunt of the initial combat
>This wouldn’t last long, already the dwarves had singled out the stronger NPCs and had focussed on dragging them into our mass of melee fighters
>Where they’d be torn to shreds
>That’s when I spotted the bitch
>Mylaela
>Long Blonde hair like that mirkwood slut from lord of the rings
>Tolkien you son of a bitch
>She was about to cast a spell towards the largest clumps of fighting soldiers
>She was gonna kill her own NPCs to MAYBE kill a few our PCs
>Not my watch slut
>Cast Wall of Stone right in front her as she finishes her spell
>Blows up in her face
>Just like this fucking battle
>Stupid slut
>Pissed off
>She walks past the wall and makes eye contact
>Attempts telepathy with me
>Prolly gonna offer to stroke my trunk
>I allow it long enough to say a single sentence
>”Come get you some.”
>She's mad
>Hoes mad
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)08:42:31 No.855818502
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)08:42:50 No.855818511
FAT FUCKING BUMP OP
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)08:45:57 No.855818628
>>855817957
>For a second I’m not sure if she wants to do it
>She could definitely overpower me
>But to do that she’d need to get closer
>And she had NO melee skill
>Started walking towards me
>Mylaela wanted the smoke
>Magic Duel
>Comes out the gate swinging hard at me
>Casting her highest spell slot spells trying to kill me in one hit
>Each time I toss a counterspell
>She hadn’t ever thought a magicduel through
>Mylaela casts Firestorm and sends it at me
>I cast Control Wind and split the firestorm in half
>Kill that shit
>Mylaela casts Sun Beam
>I cast Watery Ball
>I fucking cast
>Watery Ball
>WATERY FUCKING BALL
>Cancel out her sun beam as Watery Ball gets turned into harmless steam
>Time to go on the attack
>”Prepare to suffer HARLOT!”
>Summon up all my cum
>I mean courage
>And start doing a bunch of random weird movements
>Getting as much strength as I can
>”Just kidding, LIGHTNING BOLT!”
>Cast Call Lightning at her
>SHE FUCKING CASTS TIDAL WAVE TO TRY AND STOP ME
>SHE FUCKING CASTED TIDAL WAVE
>WAVE
>TIDAL
>WATER IS THE GREATEST CONDUCTOR OF ELECTRICITY
>DO DOUBLE DAMAGE
>KNOCK HER BITCH ASS OUT IN ONE HIT
>I say knock out
>Because I don’t plan on killing her
>I have other uses for her once this is all over
>”Elven ears are no match for Loxodon trunks, and by trunks I mean cock.”
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)08:59:29 No.855819080
BUMP EET
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)09:00:01 No.855819095
>>855818628
>I won the duel
>Mylaela had been defeated and her army surrendered
>...
>...
>Yeah no that didn’t fucking happen
>Those around her tried to pick her up and pull her back but we were able to shoo them away
>Dwarves picked her up and sprinted back to the camp with her
>Granted
>One of their strongest magic users were out of the picture
>But the battle was far from over
>Grognak called out to me and I looked to him
>”THE LEFT FLANK IS FALTERING, CALL IN THE GRUNGS AND FARNEAR! CALL IN THE FUCKING FROGS!”
>Nod to him
>Dwarfdick, Robocock, and Lizardlicker are sticking together in the battle
>Working together as a hit squad against elf PCs that get too ballsy
>I sprint past them and start using cantrips to signal to the other battle lines
>Grungs are ordered to reinforce the left flank
>Dozens of Grung warriors ride towards the battle line
>Screaming their ear splitting war cries and pinning down the tanks
>Ontop of their Battle Toads they hit the left line like a fucking brick against a babies face
>Their poison arrows start dropping NPCs and PCs alike
>Zerb hops into the fight with his trident
>Absolutely SHITS on a Half-Elf champion
>I’m talking the dude tried to duel Zerb and got his shit kicked in within 2 turns
>Zerb decapitated the guy and threw the head back at his friends
>Fucking brutal
>Meanwhile
>Farnear was leading his Assassins up behind the left flank
>Cutting down their magic users and archers left and right
>Our left flank had been faltering
>But now we had dominated and decimated the enemy
>The center was cracking hard
>And the enemy leadership couldn’t figure out what to do
>Victory seemed near
>Nothing could slow us down!
>Wrong
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)09:02:35 No.855819184
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)09:04:37 No.855819246
>>855798818
bump
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)09:11:51 No.855819488
Super bump
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)09:20:34 No.855819846
>>855819095
>As our left got reinforced
>Our right cracked
>And it cracked hard
>Grognak ordered the Steam Giant forward and we sent it forward
>But it obviously wasn’t enough
>If the right flank broke
>The enemy could still roll our line up like a carpet
>I watched Rome
>That’s exactly how Pompei lost to Caesar
>We had to hold the flank
>Preemptively we started pulling troops off of the center and right lines and began reinforcing the right flank
>Grognak, some goblins, Dwarfdick, Me, Robocock, Lizardlicker, and a few others got there first
>All that was left of right flank were the goblins that had been held in reserve as elite troops
>Not good
>We rush forward and start smacking elves and furries
>For some fucking odd reason
>All the furry players were on this side
>Grognak hold the left part of the line and we hold the outward right so they can’t encircle us
>Things are going well
>We are cutting down the elves on our side
>But I look back and see it
>The goblins are all but dead
>”Grognak the Crucifer stands alone.”
>”Not alone!”
>Surrounded and far from aid
>The enemy are poking spears and shooting arrows at him
>The only thing saving him is his rage perk
>That’s about to run out
>”Grognak is surrounded! Rally to Grognak!”
>The only thing in my mind are flashes of Boromir facing the Urukhai alone
>Our attempts at fighting through the enemy to Grognak almost seemed fruitless
>Then
>When all hope seemed lost
>Without hesitation
>Dwarfdick atop Josh got a running start and leaped over the bunches of enemies between us and Grognak
>And landed among them
>”AHAH! HAVE AT THEE!!!”
>He swung and slashed in every direction in unison with Josh
>With this action Grognak was pulled out of the maw of the enemy
>But as we looked onto Dwarfdick, to get him out
>The last thing we saw was him being pulled out of the saddle and disappearing among the enemy
>Josh breathing fire and biting at elven heads all the while
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)09:20:40 No.855819849
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)09:21:09 No.855819868
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)09:24:43 No.855820009
>>855819849
what, the actual fuck, did i just watch?
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)09:38:44 No.855820564
>>855820388
almost done anon I swear
>Without fear and without care for his own life
>Grognak charge right back into the melee
>Swinging like a mad man
>Splitting elves and half-man half-zebra creatures in two with shallow swipes of his sword
>I didn’t even care that I had no melee skills
>I ran forward along my friends and allies
>Fighting like a dog
>With a headbutt I ran my tusks through a hobbit’s skull and stomped on another
>”FIGHT BROTHERS, FIGHT ON!”
>Soon we were joined by other reinforcements
>The end was near
>The enemy truly had been beaten
>But those still standing naively refused to run or surrender
>”Victory or Death”
>That had been their battle cry
>Looking back
>Why would they fight for some elf slut?
>The left flank and center were destroyed
>The right flank remnants were all that remained
>Once the left of the enemy vainly fought to the death or threw down their enemies
>We finally found the Dwarf King
>Dwarfdick was among a ten dead elves
>A smile spread over his face
>The look was so revitalizing that it almost overshadowed his body
>There he lay among the dead
>Pierced and stabbed a hundred times
>Some swords and spears still stuck in his lifeless body
>The king
>Was dead
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)09:59:35 No.855821479
>>855820564
>Everyone’s heart had dropped at the sight of this
>Sadness filled the air
>No one cried out happily in victory
>Very quickly
>Sadness turned into anger
>And we had a lot of nearly dead people to take out our anger on
>Grognak snatched up the first half dead enemy he saw and prepared to take her head off when Gaiohldeen stopped him mid swing
>”The battle is over Grognak! The battle is over! Can’t you see that they’re far past fighting back?”
>Grognak drops the she-elf and pimp slaps the shit out of Gaiohldeen
>”Do you think I care you elfling faggot fuck? I’ll kill every last one of these fuckers that fought against me today, do you really want to stand in my way?”
>Elf nibba shook his head
>”There is no fighting you, but there’s also no fighting this. If you do this today, you’ll have to do this tomorrow. The next day after that, show mercy; I’m begging you. Be better than they were.”
>Grognak thinks long and hard about all this
>We watch him
>Nothing could stop him
>Everyone would follow him in a slaughter against the survivors
>But a shimmer of light in all this darkness was just enough
>”Their leaders have to die, Mylaela has to die.”
>Gaiohldeen nodded his head
>”Ofcourse, but if you grant mercy to the rest of them I promise that peace will come to Halgea, they’ll return home with their hearts in their hands.”
>Grognak huffed
>”Fine.”
>Gaiohldeen started to walk past him back towards the camp when Grognak snatched his arm
>”Where do you think you’re going?”
>Gaiohldeen looked puzzled
>”You’re going back to the forest with them. If one elven fuck ever gets in my way, I swear I’ll hunt down and kill every man, woman, and child I can find. Including you. Now go, and don’t fucking come back; ever.”
>He left along with the survivors of the battle
Naerly there
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)10:07:51 No.855821854
>>855821479
>We slowly started gathering the dead up
>The crown on Dwarfdick’s head refused to budge as we put him on a cart and made our way back to the Bronze Valley
>Only another king could take it off him
>Two thirds of our forces had been killed in the battle
>Almost all of the NPCs had been killed
>Many of the dwarves
>One of the Darbs
>And nearly half of all the Grungs
>The other side suffered worse ofcourse but we didn’t care
>We need to continue onto Bronze Valley
>We needed to bury Dwarfdick
>The trip back was sad and slow
>Those that could be saved were saved, others had been buried on the spot or being brought back with us
>We arrived at Bronze Valley and dwarf hillbillies mourned the death of their king
>I had already made my mind up
>After we buried Dwarfdick
>I would leave this land to never return
>We were ushered into a tomb that had been empty for hundreds of years
>Dwarfdick’s body was laid ontop of a dais
>Josh curled up at the foot of the stone bed
>And the funeral began
Should just be one more post after this
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)10:23:16 No.855822645
>>855821854
>One by one we each walked up and gave short speeches about how much we loved him
>How he had been the bravest among us
>How Dwarfdick could always crack a joke
>The last person to speak was Grognak the Crucifier
>”I did not know him very long. I did not know him very well.
>I do know that I loved him like a brother, never before and never again shall I see such a fearless warrior.
>Until the day I sleep eternally, I shall always remember him as not just a king among men, but a god among kings.”
>Nonchalantly
>Grognak slipped the Bronze Crown off of Dwarfdick’s head and place it against his cold chest
>Everyone gasped in surprise and the dwarves all jumped to their feet
>Grognak turned and looked confused
>Then he looked at the crown in his hand
>The leader of the Dwarf Bards sang out
>”The King, is dead.”
>Then he drew his sword and pointed it to Grognak
>”Long live the king!”
>After a long silent pause the entire room chanted
>”LONG LIVE THE KING!”
>With a long moment’s thought
>He raised the crown to his head and it magically adjusted to fit just right
>The crown solidly wrapped itself around it’s new wearer's brow
>I had entered these foreign lands as Yag-kosha the Clueless
>Grognak had entered this tomb as Grognak The Crucifier
>I would leave these lands as Yag-Kosha the Wise
>Grognak would leave this tomb as Grognak The King
Finish
Ps we crucified that elf bitch
Anonymous
06/01/21(Tue)10:31:45 No.855823042
I stayed up the whole fuckin night to keep up with this and see it through to its conclusion.
Well done OP.
Well done.
Have a random internet bitches nude for the effort.
